Well, here we are again...the LOVE blog...
With a twist.
So, here's your scenario--it's 20or so years in the future. You have 2 children, boy and girl. You may have given birth to these kids, adopted them, stolen them from bad homes like I do dogs, whatever--you have them.
Their ages are 12 and 13. Your daughter is older. Both of your kids are, of course, stunningly attractive and have each shown interest in romance (same sex/opposite sex--again, doesn't matter).
Based on your personal experiences, what do you want them to KNOW about love?
Will you tell them?
Will you let them find out on their own?
What are the most important and key pieces of information you want your kids armed with when it comes to notions and ideas about love?
How much of what you tell them will be based on your own experiences?
And finally, where did your own ideas about love come from? Do you think that had anything to do with how you feel about it now?
***PS--this blog was originally written as a story, but it wsn't working out the way I wanted it to, so...***
Initially, I will advise my kids (my offspring or adopted) to love themselves first. It will be difficult to love if you don’t treasure yourself. Love should not be forced and rushed. Just because your friends are all getting into a relationship, it doesn’t mean you should too. Take your time. Enjoy your youth. Love will come when you least expect it. But whatever happens, I will support, guide, and advise my children. I won’t be in the way and say, “You’re not allowed to have a boyfriend/girlfriend” because I want them to learn and grow as a person.
ReplyDeleteTo my children, the number one thing I will tell them is to NEVER physically/verbally hurt someone. I will tell them to always treat their significant other with utter respect and don’t ever lie or cheat on them. If you don’t like/love them anymore then break up with them. To my little boy: deal with it like a real man, give respect to all the woman in your life. On the other hand, if you are being disrespected, abused or cheated on, leave them. I don’t want you staying because you love them because there is no love and care in those cruel actions that you’re getting. There are plenty of fish in the sea; you’ll get yours eventually. Great things take time and patience. Take love easy. Do not give your all, always leave some for yourself. Avoid being dependent on others.
One of the greatest things about my mom is she is very open when it comes to telling her love stories. And from her experiences, I’ve learned many. I think I will do the same thing to my kids. If they ask me about my experiences on love, I won’t hesitate to tell them my story. I want them to utilize whatever they’ll learn from my story to theirs, especially to my little girl. I want her to be emotionally prepared because love isn’t always easy. Usually, there will be heartbreaks along the way and I want her to know how to handle them. It is very important for her to set her standards high because she is a gem.
Most of my ideas on love came from my mom and her experiences, most especially because I’ve witnessed the heartbreak she went through with my real dad. And now, I am witnessing the love my mom and stepdad have. To add to where I get my love ideas from, I’ve also witnessed my eldest brother’s relationships. I’ve learned to pick up the goods and the bads. Also, I guess living with boys has its perks. Aside from fun and adventure, the boys show me love, appreciation, and respect.
I don’t know if I will give the exact advice I will tell my kids to my friends’ kids, for example. I guess it’ll depend with the relationship I have with the adult in the family and the kid as well. It’s hard to give a love advice to other people’s children because parents have different views on love. Parents also raise their own children differently.
Like Karla mentioned, I would definitely tell my children to love themselves before they could fall in love with someone else. They need to have enough love to be content with who they are before they could share that with someone else. I would not tell them anymore than what I have just said. I would not tell them that they are too young to love or too dumb to find out what love really is. The idea of love is different for everyone, but love is love.
ReplyDeleteI would want both of my kids to know that love does not come easily, and all boys and girls are not the same. I truly believe that people cannot learn to love just anybody, they need to feel it deep in their hearts. Love is certain, and if they love somebody they will know for sure. Also, everyone is different. Boys are not all cheating dirtbags, and girls are not all possessive, annoying freaks. I know this because I am not like most of the girls that I know, and Reec is not like most of the boys that I know. I will tell my son and daughter that just because someone hurts you, it does not mean that every other human you might like will hurt you too because that is simply not accurate, and I will be sure to tell my kids this. That logic is not getting anyone anywhere. Yes, a line of defense should be put up, but not an absurd amount.
I am not a love expert, but I am in love and I am not afraid to admit it. I will not influence my kids on what my feelings of love are because I want them to go through things on their own. I do not want them to live their life just how I lived mine. I want them to be their own person with their own beliefs. Obviously, I will teach them right from wrong, and they will have to listen to me. My ideas of love come straight from my heart. No one influenced me or told me how to love. I know what I want in life and exactly who I want to be with.
What I would LIKE to do when my kids experience love is lock them in the house and forbid them from leaving until I find someone for them. Okay, maybe i'm exaggerating...Or maybe I am just crazy. Obviously, I can't do that because it's probably illegal. You can probably see where I am going with this. Based on my personal experiences, I want them to know that you can't possibly have a relationship without trust. If they're anything like their mother, they will have a hard time opening up. They will struggle with allowing someone new into their lives. They will hesitate with admitting how they feel, in fear of getting hurt. Some things are better left unsaid; going through something yourself rather than listening to someone else's experiences is a perfect way to learn. But, I will most certainly tell them that the most important foundation of a relationship is trust. The rest they can figure out on their own. I want them to know that love isn't what they read in children's books. It isn't rainbows and sunshine all the time. They NEED to know that there will be times that are hard. Knowing that ahead of time will, hopefully, better prepare them for what is to come. That way, they won't have expectations of 100% peace. Only part of what I tell them will be based on my own experiences. My experiences will warn them and open their eyes for what could happen. However, I have seen love that isn't what i've experienced. With the bad things, I will make sure I elaborate on the amazing parts of love. I want them to be different than me. I want them to get happy when they meet someone new, I want them to admire the idea of becoming close with someone they care about and have feelings for. I feel like my experience won't do that for them. I don't want them to be scared like their mom. I am not sure where my ideas about love came from when I was a child. I looked at love as magical. Which it is, but in a different way than I viewed it. Maybe it was the pre-teen movies I watched or the tv shows that captured little kids “getting stuck in each others eyes.” Maybe it was because I expected too much from observing the fake portrayals displayed in movies and such, but my feelings of love are far from what they were when I was young. When I hear the word, I don't think of fairytale music and laughter. Call me crazy, but an image of a deep, deep, deep red color comes to my mind. I think it just simply means that I have grown up. I'm not as innocent. I want my kids to associate love with fairytale music and unicorns and fountains of chocolate. I want them to be excited for the future. But, I don't want them to NOT know what to expect. I don't want them to be unprepared. I don't want them to fear it.
ReplyDeleteI want my kids to know that love is no joke. I feel like as years go on, the word “love” loses less and less meaning. Some people say it not because they feel it, but because they hope it will keep their relationship from falling apart. Some people get confused with love and lust. Some people don’t even have any intentions in finding love; they just want to have fun, which is why I want my kids to know and understand the significance of such a concept. I would also focus a lot of time on assuring my children that they need to love themselves first before they love someone else. Self love is the most important of all, and once they develop a strong love for themselves, I believe that they will have the power to love their significant other even harder. Personally, I’ve had to end some relationships due to the fact that I am not where I want myself to be in regards to confidence, acceptance, and of course, self-love. Given the fact that I follow my head instead of my heart, loving myself before I love someone else has always been a priority of mine, as I have been through several relationships that stripped me of my confidence and willingness to accept love and give it out in future relationships. With that being said, I will tell them that exactly, but I will leave it up to them to decide whether or not they want to listen to me. Part of living and learning has to do with learning who to love and how to love, and I don’t want to be the parent that hovers over their shoulders as they are figuring out what they deserve. I plan on giving them the freedom to experiment, with my guidance if needed.
ReplyDeleteThe most important piece of information I want my kids armed with, is that if there is no trust, there shouldn’t be any love. Trust is by far the most essential aspect of a relationship and I can only hope that they will be strong enough to walk away from someone if there is no trust, regardless of the feelings they have. Brutal, I know, but come on, it’s true. I not only want them to trust their partner, but I want them to trust themselves; with their feelings, instincts, decisions, and anything that is thrown at them as they are in a relationship. Part of this comes from my own experiences, simply because there was a lack of trust so I am very familiar with the feeling, but even if I didn’t experience what I have with relationships and trust, I would still teach them that trust is a priority.
Although I’m sure a lot of my lessons will be coming from my experiences, I will need to remember that my past doesn’t define their future. Just because I’ve had bad experiences and a hard time loving, doesn’t mean that they will. I don’t plan on being this insanely strict parent that forbids them from dating someone less than they deserve, because I wan’t them to learn themselves, however I do plan on sharing my experiences with them in hopes that they will receive some insight based off of what I have been through.
For my daughter Lenox, I want you to know that you are a Queen and should only be treated as such. I will tell you call you my princess not just because you are my ray of sunshine and it’s cute for a little girl, but because I hope when you continue to hear it from such a young age it will be engraved in your mind and you will know your self-worth and have self-love. Never settle for less. If he continues to ask you for money, it’s okay to lone it some, but not $330. I want you to know that you don’t have to do everything he says and if he says things like, “But I thought you loved me” or “This is all because of you” leave him immediately no matter how much you care for him.
ReplyDeleteFor my son Legend, all women are Queens and should be treated as such. She should walk on you inside (away from traffic), you should hold her door open, pay for her, and don’t ever let her go to bed upset. I would want him to know how manipulated women can be and to be aware of that. They will say, “If you leave me Id cry and kill myself.” Keep walking because I’m a woman and trust me she isn’t going to kill herself.
For Lenox and Legend, I want you to make sure that you know them very well because you don’t date for fun, you date for marriage.
My perspective of long comes from my past relationship because I only dated one man. There were a lot of flaws that I didn’t see that I do now being taking away from the environment. I will definitely tell them all this if they were to ask me and hope that they acknowledge it.
ReplyDeleteAs stubborn as I am to let go and trust someone, I know for sure I haven’t fallen in love yet. I don’t know the feeling or the way the experience takes over your being but I know it’s a hard thing to break; and even when you stop being in love with that person, you usually still have love for them. I don’t want my kids to be like me. Locked in and afraid to reach out and open up afraid of the worst things happening. I would want them to go into their newfound love willing to take chances because one chance that is passed up on love, out of fear is the one chance you won’t get back. I for one have gone into countless relationships and friendships with a pessimistic viewpoint, I decide to expect the worst from others and how they act so that way when something damaging happens in the relationship it won’t hurt- or surprise- me as much. I want the kids to do the same just so heartbreak doesn’t feel so much like the end of the world.
I would let them find out the little things about love on their own but I wouldn’t let them go into it blind, especially if it’s the real thing. There are ways to be helpful without trying to layout a path for them to take, and my mom and sisters usually do that for me and I try and do the same for my friends and I will definitely do the same for my kids. It’s important to be there when someone needs you instead of trying to take them by the hand and walk them through the experience, besides they more than likely will have a different experience with love than what I’ve had. Either way I would tell my kids about my experiences with love- whether it worked out or failed- because stories- especially love stories- are always fun to hear. I would tell them about young love which would relate to them and the mature kind of love and the different stories with the different people so that they know that heartbreak isn’t the end and love can be found in more than one instance.
I don’t know how I can be such a hopeless romantic while not truly believing in love for myself. I think my thoughts on love come from the love I see in the people I am closest to. My parents have been in love for a long time but it hurts to see love begin to fade. I think that people shouldn’t compromise for love, they shouldn’t change the way they are to be what someone else is looking for. When you find love you will know it and I feel like it won’t fade, I know there will be times when it’s really hard but any bridges burnt can be rebuilt. But of course this is coming from my inexperience of being in love, so maybe my thought process will change when I experience it for myself.
To my future children, I would like for them to never think they are in love because you'll definitely know if you're in love. Don't ever rush in finding someone just because people surrounded by you are in relationships. Heartbreaks, of course, will be terrible especially if you thought you were in love, but never cry over a person who doesn't value you and see your worth because there will come a day where you'll be someone's motivation and happiness and they won't be able to imagine life without you.
ReplyDeleteDon't believe what other people think is love. Some people use the term "love" with every person they're in a relationship with, don't say you love someone until you truly mean it. Love never has and never will be easy. It has it's ups and downs, happy moments and sad moments, it has its laughter and it has its tears, but if you truly love someone, don't ever leave his/her side, especially when times get difficult because that's when you can tell how much you value a person or how much you're valued.
To my son, don't follow how most guys treats girls. It's not cool having "hoes" and it's not right calling girls your "bitches," it's disrespectful. You'll be hurt by girls, but that doesn't mean you hurt other girls who actually care about you. Don't ever allow your "bros" to disrespect your girlfriend in any way. All girls aren't the same, you'll find the girl who'll be by your side through everything and would never hurt you. Be with the girl that inspires you to be a better guy. Be with the girl who doesn't force you to do anything, but you'll want to change your bad habits just for her because that's how much she means to you.
To my daughter, don't ever hurt a guy to the point where he believes all girls are liars, untrustworthy, and unloyal. Your body is not something that should be given away easily, save it for someone you won't regret giving it to. You're only goal in your relationship is to keep you and your boyfriend happy, keep him motivated, and let him know he's the only one because if he's a keeper, he'll do anything to keep a smile on your face & appreciate any little thing you do for him. Encourage him to be a better person because sometimes all a person needs is someone to keep him going.
The key to any relationship is communication,trust, and of course, endless and unconditional love. Communication and trust might be hard, considering what type of relationship your bf/gf has been in, but trust is earned with time and always try to communicate. Trust is never easy to gain, but if you're lucky enough to gain someone's trust, don't make them regret it. Do not EVER let someone abuse you physically,mentally or verbally! That isn't love, that's pity and blackmail. If you're not happy with someone, just leave. Do not ever lead someone on thinking you actually love them.
I think I have a sufficient amount of experiences I can share from, but if any of my children are like me, then they'll learn the hard way. They'll definitely have to experience pain in order to learn from their mistakes. My ideas come from my current relationship and a little bit from my parents. I definitely tell my boyfriend I love him right now because I strongly feel it and I feel like he feels the same. My parents have been together for 21 years and even though they argue like crazy, you'll always find them together at the end of the day.. sometimes week.
My gorgeous 13 year old daughter Kolby and my handsome 12 year old son Axl will have one great mother. Not to gass myself up or anything but I’m so excited to have kids and show them endless amounts of love. I’m getting slightly off topic, let me get back on track. Hypothetically speaking my babies have grown to the age and are now interested in romance. The advice I’d share would be very little only because I don’t want to ruin their image of love. Just because I’ve have had rough patches in the roadway of romance doesn't mean that my kids will too. My father has never, I mean never settled down with a woman. He’s never been married. Not that you have to tie the knot to be in love but you get the gist. My reason for bringing my father up was to talk about how he constantly tells me about how love isn’t real, that I won’t find it. It really kills my vibe and I never, ever want to do that to my kids. I also want them to test the waters on their own. If they meet a boy or girl and they develop feelings then it’s his/her choice to pursue those feelings.
ReplyDeleteThe little bit of information that I will tell my kids is to be careful when it comes to love. That love can be wonderful and super great when other times it traps you and hurts you. One of the strongest words that I’ve ever been told was “Love does not hurt” and that is something I want my kids to know. I want them to know not to stay with anyone toxic and to be with someone that makes them happy. I want nothing but the best for my kids, and them being happy is huge.
I won’t tell my kids a lot like I’ve already mentioned but I will tell them minor details. I’ll tell them about the love of my life who I hope to be married to. I’ll tell them about how they deserve to be treated as a king/queen. No more and no less.
I grew up with my mother and stepfather until the age of nine. They had a very abusive relationship and it was by no means a good image of what love is. Then at age eleven my mother and father got together (very complicated) and I still didn’t have good models for love. I never lived my life “Oh my goodness I can’t wait to fall in love” but I still had some hope. My ideas on love came mostly from what I had seen growing up. Despite my bad role models I still fell hard with the first boy. (yes a boy). It’s quite inevitable, your first heart break of course. The way I feel about love has changed drastically. I don’t love, love. I don’t hate love either. It’s just something I’ll always have for people. If I fall in love and get married with who I’m with now then I’ll be surprised because love never seems to work for me. Love is love that’s all I can say.
I would want my future kids to know that they do not need to rush into a relationship or always be in one. Do not go out searching for "that guy", let them come to you. After a breakup, do not get into another relationship, you'll only get hurt again. I wouldn't want to tell them much, because I don't want to scare them about the idea of love; I want them to find out on their own what love is and what it is like. I personally, still don't know what it's like but I'm not in any rush to find it. I want them to experience everything on their own and of course they'll be able to come to me with any questions or concerns, or if they need any advice.
ReplyDeleteThe most important and key pieces I would want my kids to know about love, would be to make sure you're truly happy and that this special person treats you well. If you aren't happy at any time or are constantly frustrated and getting hurt, then drop them immediately. There is no sense in staying in a relationship with someone if all they do is treat you poorly. This is somewhat from my own person experience- a stupid, little, middle school relationship- but it's mostly from what I have seen from tv or school or on social media. Also, don't toss around the word "love" unless you really mean it. I have seen too many relationships that have just started and they are already saying those three special words to each other. You shouldn't be saying it if you don't mean it.
All of these ideas have either come from others around me, or from tv and social media. I cant say that I have experienced any type of love personally because I just haven't been in love yet. I also think that a lot of these ideas are what I think about love now. Of course as a parent I don't want my kids to experience heartbreak, but I'm sure they will. And once they do, I'll help them learn from each one. All I want for them is happiness and they will achieve it eventually once they learn what and how exactly love works.
I wanted to skip this blog in all honesty because nothing came into mind. I don’t want children of my own, this blog was impossible to me. I stood blank for two straight days, thinking about what to do until 1 am Tuesday night before falling asleep in defeat. I couldn’t skip this blog so I talked to Bunje to see what I can do as an alternative. She gave me an idea to do my blog about talking to my friends’ children and even someone I could counsel. I liked the idea and wanted to run with it. But after a long talk with Momma H, she made it clear that I shouldn’t rule out children in my future so early. I’m giving in and talking about my own children in this blog. Here goes nothing.
ReplyDeleteI am not very loving towards small children. I don’t particularly have any interest in them so that’s why I act indifferent towards them. However, if my future significant other/spouse really wanted children, I would want to foster at least one child so we could eventually adopt them. There’s close to a half a million kids in the system today, if I can bring one home I’ll be content. I would also give in and have one biologically. The one thing that would be different about the two is that I would be getting my foster child later in life ranging from 3 years old to even 17-18 years old. It wouldn’t matter if I got her/him from the ages 3-10 because they’re still a child but if I were to get them as a teenager, it’ll be harder because I would have no prior knowledge and it’s hard to warm up to a teen. My biological child will be easier because I would have them from birth.
Regardless of how I obtain these children, the first thing I would tell them is to not be afraid to love. Be careful of course but not afraid. If you’re afraid to love, you won’t ever find it. It’s a beautiful thing when you find the right person. Take your time, darlings. There is no rush and once you find that special someone, your whole world feels complete. You shouldn’t feel this feeling with everyone. It should be a feeling within one person. I hope that you look at them with shimmering eyes and your heart never stops fluttering when you lay eyes on them. It’s not going to come so easy. Be patient. True love is worth waiting for.
The second piece of advice I would give my children is to not destroy their significant other’s mental stability, physical temple, and emotional trust. This goes to both children. Not just my son. I expect both children to give the same amount of respect to their significant other. A lot of people warn their sons to not hurt their girlfriend but I rarely hear people telling their daughter’s the same advice. I don’t want my daughter to tear down her significant other. I don’t want her to make him feel like shit. And I don’t want my son to be the bad boy heartbreaker. I’d lose my shit if I found out either of my children were heartbreakers. I want them to know that if they want to gain the trust of their significant other, they must put 20000% respect into their significant other and treat them like they’re the only person in the world.
Third piece of advice I would tell them is to love themselves. I want them to be confident so they can be the best versions of themselves. Without confidence, they’re walking sacks of potatoes. They can’t find love if they’re potato sacks. Someone will take advantage of them and lead them on, putting all their eggs in the wrong basket. I don’t want that. I don’t want my kids coming home to, balling because a hoe hunter broke their precious heart. Not only would I end up in jail for being too protective but I would feel guilty for not helping them love themselves. I want them to be confident and find their one true love. I want them to feel happier than they already were. It’s the best feeling.
Going back to getting a child from foster care, the hardest thing for me is explaining all this. A biological child is easier because they gained your trust right away. Since I plan on fostering and adopting a child from 12+ (because they have a lesser chance of getting adopted), it’s going to be harder for me to gain that trust. It’s not easy being a foster kid and foster kids don’t have the greatest trust in people. I mean they’re foster kids. I wouldn’t, I sympathize for them. I would hope that within the time I have with, I can gain their trust and give them a personal feel with my advice but if they’re with me for a long time, I would tell them anyway. Even if it’s them just listening and to me while I play with their hair and their head in my lap. I wouldn’t treat that child with any less love than biological child. It wouldn’t be fair. I want them to get the same advice. Because if I’m not going to give it to them, who will?
DeleteSunday and Hank (hopefully those will be your names) if you somehow stumble upon this know that I love you despite not wanting children, You guys changed my outlook. Thank you. <3
The first thing I would like them to know about love is that love does not equal marriage and love is more than just a romantic relationship. There are so many things in this world to love. Second I want them to know that it doesn’t matter who they love, gender, race, and ethnicity makes no difference. I want my kids to know that if they don’t find love it is okay. Love is something that everyone wants now a day and to me it seems kind of silly. I understand love is an amazing thing (probably) but you shouldn’t spend your entire life looking for it, just let it come to you. We are raised to think that we NEED to find love and I feel that often distracts us from that fact that we should be living our lives and not letting that get in the way. I also do not want my children to settle for someone just to fit in. I think that happens way too often. People who don’t love each other marry each other just so they can feel accomplished in life and I strongly disagree with that. I won’t tell my kids too much about love because I don’t want to distract them from living their lives but I want them to know it is important, but not vital to life. The other reason I won’t tell them a lot is because I’ve never been in love. Maybe one day it will happen, but I’m not going to go out searching for it. I see it as this: how am I supposed to randomly start loving someone that I’ve gone to school with my entire life and are just now realizing I like. That is why I disagree with high school relationships where people believe that is their true love. I think that high school relationships should be for experimenting and figuring out what you do and don’t like in a person. I want my kids to understand that idea.
ReplyDeleteIn terms of my own ideas of love, that is what my blog is about. I have relationship issues which is part of why I’ve never been in a real relationship. Even in middle school when I had a boyfriend for like a month every night I would lay awake restless thinking about when we were going to breakup. Kinda weird but I never allowed myself to get fully invested in any relationship. I think this comes from my parents and their ‘love’. Long story short my mom and dad hate each other more than words can describe. And I think that partially stunted my idea of love from a young age. I grew up around them constantly arguing and don’t have a single good memory where my entire family was together and happy. I was five when they got divorced and my dad has been through plenty of relationships that never worked out. He has a girlfriend now and my mom has had the same boyfriend for about eight years but they have had their ups and downs and so has my dad and his girlfriend. Lots of hate is distributed between them and my dad is so petty he won’t even answer my mother’s text messages even when they have to do with me. That is the other thing, my parents communicated through me so I constantly see the hate but that’s life I guess. I don’t want my kids to have to go through that which is probably why I’m going to adopt a kid and raise them on my own. In conclusion I want my kids to love more than me and more than just their sole mate.
Based on what I have experienced, love can be looked at in many different ways. It depends on the person and how they grew up. For me, growing up in a house where my parents were on the brink of divorce, I didn’t really see much love between them. So, my definition of love does not come from my parents. I was never told what love was by my parents and I haven’t experienced love yet, but one day I will find it. Finding love isn’t really a concern for me right now, but it would be nice to find love eventually.
ReplyDeleteI will tell them that love will come to them and when they find it they will know that it’s there. I will also show them all the love in the world. I will also tell them to love themselves first and that they could love who ever they wanted. I’m not going to control what they do with love because it’s up to them to decide what they want to do. But, if they need any help I will always be there to help. I am letting them find out on their own, but also guiding them along the way.
The most important information about love that they will have is that you always have to love yourself before loving anyone else. Also, that it is okay to love anyone they wanted because they wouldn’t looked at differently by me. I would love them the same no matter what they thought of love and what they did with love.
Most of my advice isn’t from personal experience, but more of an observation love throughout my life. I have seen many different interpretations of love and this is where my ideas would come from. Love is a complicated thing, but everyone will have their own definition to it and this is how they will explain it to others.
ReplyDeleteWhat do I want my kids to know about love? First things first, if you can describe it, it’s not real, that’s not love. Love is not something you can describe in ten words, or even one-hundred words. Love is indescribable, and it can only be felt. And because of that I cannot and will not tell them if they are in love or not, I can’t feel what they feel, and I will not intervene. I will tell them that you can only learn from experience. If my daughter wants to go for the “super cool guy who breaks every girl’s heart and tells them he’d never hurt them” then I won’t stand in her way. If she needs to learn the hard way by getting her heart broken, she will, and she’ll learn to never do it again. If my son wants to go for “the most popular girl in school, that talks to every guy and tells each one that they’re the only one” then he can go for her. Get his heart broken as well and learn a lesson that’ll last a lifetime. I know that sounds bad and I probably sound like a horrible future mom. But telling your kids that they’re not allowed to do something or date someone only makes them want to do it more and go behind your back. And after all, this is based on personal experience, right?
If something and/or someone makes you happy, even if it’s for a second, do it. That is a key piece of advice I would give my kids. Never stand in the way of your happiness, even if you know the consequences. Everything is an experience, a lesson waiting to be learned.
Another key piece of advice I’d give my kids would be to never do something you wouldn’t want your kids doing. That not just being with love, but with everything. If you wouldn’t want your daughter coming home, telling you she’s pregnant, don’t do it. If you wouldn’t want to find out your son cheated on his girlfriend, don’t do it. If you wouldn’t want your kids coming home the next morning with hickeys on their neck, don’t do it. Don’t do anything you would be disappointed in your kids doing. I would never want to disappoint my parents. So I’m hoping to lock that mindset into their heads.
I would tell them that if they are sad more than they are happy, to run away from it as far and as quickly as possible. That they are wasting their own time, their own time that they deserve to be happy. That if they are in a relationship, that does not mean their significant other owns them, that they do not have to do what they say if they do not want to. Don’t ever do something just to make your significant other happy, make sure it makes you happy as well.
Most of all I hope my kids make right decisions and don’t get involved with the wrong people. Just like you can tell when your bestfriend is in a bad relationship, you’ll definitely be able to tell when your kids are in one, also known as “mother’s intuition.” I will let them find out on their own, that being because with love no one can teach you other than yourself. All of this is based on not only my experiences, but others I’ve witnessed around me. And me just having nothing but good intentions for my future children. My “vision” of what love is will forever be my mom and dad. My own experiences have definitely taught me certain things and have taught me certain lessons. But as I mentioned in the last blog, I’m grateful for all the good and bad, because it’s made me who I am today. I hope my future kids will think the same. Happiness is key, their happiness is key.
As a mother raising two kids, I hope that they never go through the shattering pain of a heartbreak. As a romantic raising two kids, I know that there will come a time when they will. But, as a woman raising two kids, a woman who didn’t believe in meaningless relationships, party hook-ups, or being with someone you didn’t actually care about in high school, I will know that if they are anything like their mother, they will have big hearts, and apparently, those are hard to come by these days. I will know what it feels like to be used, abused, taken for granted, taken advantage of, and I will know the pain that comes with it.
ReplyDeleteAs I’m writing this, I’m dreading the day that this conversation actually comes up with my kids, because I’m not sure what I’ll say. But I do know what I will want to say:
I will want to tell them that love is beautiful. We hear all the time in the movies, the books, our everyday lives that love sucks. It’s great until it goes bad, and when it goes bad, it completely ruins you. But that’s not true, and I want them to know that if not anything else. I want them to know that love isn’t what breaks us. No, love is beautiful. It is what keeps the earth spinning, it is what brings us happiness, passion, hope, purpose. Love is what makes the sunshine feel a little bit warmer when it hits your skin, and what makes flowers smell just a little bit better when you press them to your nose. Love is the best thing that this fucked up world has to offer us. What hurts is the heartbreak, the loneliness, and the agony that is imposed upon us when love is ripped out of our hands. That is what tears us apart. Not the love. The love is actually what brings us back together and makes us feel okay. Love is the only thing that helps us heal.
I will want to tell them that love is never selfish--if it is, then it’s not love. I want them to understand that when you truly love someone, you’ll begin to realize that everything that you do, in some shape or form, is for them. And if they truly love you back, then that selflessness will be reciprocated. I want them to know this so that they can recognize when they are not receiving what they are giving: I want them to catch it before it’s too late and they’re in too deep. I want them to understand from the jump that they deserve love in its entirety, and that they shouldn’t ever accept anything less than that.
I will want to tell them that they should always listen to their hearts before anyone or anything else. Not that I want them to ignore what their head is saying. But I do know that I’m not going to raise idiots. And personally, I’ve always been one enormous paradox, and my heart and my head can barely agree on what I want to have for dinner. But never once has my heart steered me wrong. And there will be people in their lives that other people disagree with, and I will try to do what I think is best always. But sometimes, parents just don’t understand. I trust that they’ll know. And I will never tell them that they’re wrong for loving the person that they love.
There’s so much that I would want to say to them--so many things that I want to warn them about and let them know. I want to tell them about every experience I’ve ever had, because after all, isn’t the point of parenting to try and make them better than what you were? To try and give them a better life than the one you had? I want to tell them everything, from my first boyfriend to my last. But I don’t know if that would be fair.
I don’t want my kids to be scared of love because they know how it destroyed me. I don’t want them to hesitate to let people in because my experiences led me to shut everyone out. I don’t want them to think that love always ends, or fades, or is destined to leave them in pieces because that’s what happened to me. Because they’re not me. And twenty years from now won’t be the world that I lived in. And to tell them all of these things isn’t fair. Everyone should have their own love story. And to read them mine before they get to write their own would be like giving them my book and writing their name on it. But an author always has an idea in mind. And I want their story to follow their own plot.
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ReplyDeleteWhat exactly is love? As I was growing up, or I should say “as I am growing up”, since I’m still a kid, no one ever explained what love was. Of course my mom told me the basic “you can’t have sex with someone unless you love them,” but she never told me exactly what love was. I was left to discover it on my own, and am still trying to find exactly what it means. So, if my children, a couple years from now, questioned me with this topic I am still trying to understand myself, I would tell them that it is up to them to make their own definition of the word. I will tell my kids what I know and have experienced, and the key points that everyone should know when it comes to love.
Loving someone and being in love are two different things. Loving someone is easy. A best friend, a parent or guardian or even a role model; they’re all examples of people you love. From my experience, to love someone means you would do anything for them. You care for them and constantly wish the best for them. Loving a person means you trust them. You could tell them anything. A person you love is someone who will always be there for you. To be in love with someone is similar, but different. Being in love with someone means you would do anything for them, you care for them, you trust them, but you also can’t live without them. Being in love with someone means you can’t be separated, they complete you. To be in love with someone means you're constantly thinking about them, they’re the first person you go to. Loving someone is easy, being in love with someone is hard. You can love thousands of people, but you can only be in love with one special person. The act of being in love creates a feeling like no other. You know you’re in love when you experience it. It's like finding your perfect wedding dress, it’s the one special to you. Love is complicated yet beautiful all at the same time. Love is not something that should be taken for granted. Love is something you cherish forever.
Based on my personal experiences, I want them to KNOW that it's unexpected and random. You can fall in love with anyone you meet and you should be prepared for anything. I want them to know that not everyone they love will love them back so they have to be careful. This being said, I think I would still let them find out on their own. If my kids are ANYTHING like me, then they don't learn from words or advice, they have to experience the consequences of their errors. Also, I wouldn't want them to stay away from people because they are too scared to love. I would want them to fall in love and love without having any fear with it. So I'd probably let them find out all these things on their own.
ReplyDeleteThe most important piece of information that I want my kids to be armed with is that, paradoxically, they can't let anyone tell them what love is supposed to feel like. They need to know that love is going to hurt and it can also feel like the best thing in the world. It can feel like anything in the world, but no one can tell you what love is "supposed" to feel like or be like. Love is just… known. If I tell them anything ever, all of it would probably be based on my own experiences. As I said earlier, I don't listen to advice and I don't learn something until I actually experience the consequences so the lessons I tell them would be from my mistakes.
My ideas about love came from the countless romance movies I've watched over the years. Also, I'm a pretty observant person so I usually hear when people say I love you to each other and I kind of pay attention to that. Also going through a relationship where I had my first love, I learned a lot what I think love is. Just through living, I've formed my own ideas of love and what I think it should be like. My ideas of love have always been the same or at least similar to what it is now so everything I experienced definitely had an effect on how I feel about love now.
Based on personal experience, I wouldn’t be able to tell them anything about love as of right now, but 20 years into the future I probably could. From what I have witnessed though, I would tell them that relationships are not something that should be rushed. It takes time to get to know someone and people who have been together for years still find new things about their partners. I would also tell them that before could very much do it again and that they should know the difference between forgiveness and forgetting. I would tell them this from a young age so that when they did start getting interested in dating they would already have this information rooted deep in their head. I would also tell them these things once they started dating or as they asked me questions and I would answer them as truthfully as possible. I don’t want my children to deal with not knowing anything like I have had to because that could hurt them in the future when they are on their own.
ReplyDeleteI would want them to know when they are in an abusive relationship. I know that many people do not realize that they are in an abusive relationship and when they are told they do not believe the people who tell them that. I would also say tell them that you do not have to be in a relationship at all to be happy. As I said earlier, right now I have no experience with love and if I were to say anything to my children with the knowledge I have right now, everything would be based off of books and what I have heard and seen in relationships. In 20 years though, I should have enough experience to tell them more. I would tell them what I have experienced because it seems more believable if they know that someone has gone through it.
Some of my ideas about love came from my parents, but that is mainly everything that says to be careful and that teaches you to fear connections. The rest of what I know comes from books and what I have heard and witnessed. My parents have definitely given a very negative outlook on love and life in general. The way they raised me makes me fear making connections and fear trusting people because of what they could do to me (they have literally said that the only people I can trust are my immediate family). But what makes me try to not fear making any type of connection is that I know that despite all the type of people my parents talk about being out in the world, there are still so many trustworthy people in the world that I would never meet if I kept to myself.
Love is a blessing, a sin, and a tease miraculously rolled all into one big clump of emotion. We all have different stories of love, as well as different views of it. I wouldn't know how to approach such a situation with my kids because everybody writes their own path. And it's hard to put it in such advice because love is what you make it to be. So if I do have kids one son and one daughter, I'd want them to know to go for what YOU believe in and not what anyone else does. We’ll all find the ‘one’ one day and that's a path I believe that everybody should go down on their own.
ReplyDeleteHowever, there are a few rules with love. First, to always love yourself and the person you are and the body you are in. One thing I hate about media now and days is that there is truly too many fake people in the world today, specifically models. And how they are constantly photoshopped to fit this view of the perfect girl all for attention? Because that will boost a young girls confidence and self esteem. A second rule to love is to always treat your partner with respect! It doesn't mattered my kids were gay, straight, transsexual or whatever, unless you are justified to defend yourself, you treat your partner with respect both mentally and physically. If and you don't do those two things, why are you even in a relationship?
When the time comes and my kids are to ingress in that stage, I wouldn't tell them what they want to hear, I'd tell them what they need to hear. And my experiences in love hopefully won't be the same as theirs because mines are currently garbage at the moment but then again, I didn't think I'd needed a girlfriend till I was about a sophomore. Regardless, I think this way because I've seen and heard so many versions of love it's actually disgusting. Love can give a person balance in their life and take away a person's sanity, especially a teen. So when my kids ask me about love, I'll simply just bring up this blog post.
First, I’ll let my kids know that it will take some time before they find their perfect partner. Maybe they’ll find it when they’re 20 or when they’re 35. They just have to be patient. It’s also possible to lose interest in finding a partner or not want one in the first place; that is also fine. A love life isn’t for everyone.
ReplyDeleteNext, I want them to know that love isn’t all just sunshine and rainbows. There will be disagreements and fights, but true love is being able to get through it and come out figuring what the right thing to do is.
Then, I will tell them that people can be cruel. They have to careful, but sometimes, people only ever recognize the situation for what it is until it has gone too far. If they ever find themselves in an environment where they feel the relationship is unfair or one person feels abused, then they need to stop. Even if they are deeply in love with the other person, no moral person deserves this type of relationship.
Breakups can be hard, but it’s an experience that can be learned from. Knowing this as a parent, I wouldn’t want my babies to be hurt, but I won’t let this stop them from dating at a young age. They need to learn and prepare because there are lower stakes when you’re young. I’ll be happy to share my advice from what I’ve learned from my relationships.
After that, I will always let them know that who you love is like gender identity- it’s a fluid. Things can get complicated trying to figure it out, but I’ll stick with them no matter who they love.
Luckily, I’ve only heard my parents seriously have a fight once, but they got over it and made up. I’ve also never heard of a first hand account of an abusive relationship, but I’ve heard stories. My ideas mainly come from books, movies, and tv shows that I’ve seen and the fact that I can’t date until I’m 50.
Right off the bat, I want to say that having a romantic relationship at the age of 12 or 13, that’s a no-no. I don’t believe in middle school relationships, so what they have going on wouldn’t be genuine. It’s okay to have a little crush on someone, but the boyfriend and girlfriend thing? No, I won’t approve of it.
ReplyDeleteI’ve never been in a relationship before. However, a couple of things I want my kids to know when it comes to love is that it is okay to be attracted to someone by their looks at first, but you have to love them both inside and out before getting into a relationship, and that relationships shouldn’t be rushed, but should be kept at a steady pace. It is best to tell them these things before they get into a relationship, but realistically thinking, it is better if they find out on their own based on observation. Sometimes seeing it yourself is the better choice than being told about it.
The most important thing I want my kids to keep in mind is to face reality when it comes to relationships. Don’t be wishy-washy when there comes a time where something odd occurs within the relationship. When there are red signals flashing that something isn’t right, leave them. The second thing is that relationships cannot be forced. They come unexpectedly and can go unexpectedly. All of that is from personal experiences. You would think that it’s a romantic relationship I’m referring to, but no, I’ve experienced these things with friendship. The abusive relationship and the walking out on a relationship, it could happen in either one. But much of what I tell them shouldn’t be based on my own experiences because what I’ve went through doesn’t indicate that they will go through it too.
My ideas of love come from dramas, books, and the people around me. I’m not really sure how I feel about it now because I feel like there is a wall that’s blocking me from crossing into that zone, maybe it’s me being cautious and wary? I don’t know, but I know for certain that when I think of love, the first thing that pops into mind is one of those cliché stories I read from long ago.
When I have kids I will give them the confidence to love themselves, but other than that I won’t tell them about love. Besides the fact that they will probably be stubborn and refuse to listen, I think that people have to experience things on their on in life to really figure things out. My mother warned me about love and who to stay away from since I was old enough to remember. I never listened to my mom because I didn’t believe that anyone would hurt me until it happened. I am a stronger and wiser person because of my experiences. I want my kids to love someone who makes them happy regardless of what the world may think. My ideas of love first came from my parents. My parents don’t have the healthiest relationship but I know that they love each other. I don’t believe that It is possible to ever achieve a perfect relationship. That is why I think it is important to find a love worth fighting for.
ReplyDelete20 years into the future, or a little more, I would have two kids. A 13 year old daughter and a 12 year old son. Both are stunningly attractive thanks to their mom’s gene. And now my kids are starting to feel a different feeling in their hearts. A love that is not for family. A love for a significant other. As the parental figure of my kids, I would have to teach them information I learned when they are at the age. From my personal experience on this matter, I would be of no help. My advice would be to wait until college. Wait until they are an adult and have already developed and tuned their better qualities. I would, however, never tell them this. The reason why is because they would have the genetics of my wife. My children would not get into the situations I was in and even if they do, they would fix it. That’s why my kids don’t need to hear my advice.
ReplyDeleteIf my children do wish to ask me for advice on the touchy subject, I would tell them the highest values of love and to always follow them. If my son was to be in a relationship, I would tell him to be himself. The perfect girl for my son would accept him no matter how he acts. Once he finds the perfect girl, I would tell my son to never make his partner cry. A certain phrase that goes “happy wife, happy life” is applicable to a nonmarital relationship. And so, I would tell my son to always keep his partner happy because if the relationship doesn't work out, the pain inside is excruciating.
For my daughter, I would give her everything she wants. If she asks me for advice on love, I would tell her no. If she brings home a boy, I would tell him to get out. A daughter is slightly more important to parents than a son for reasons I know nought. It’s just one of those laws we all subconsciously follow. Anyways, if I ever change my mind on my daughter dating, which will not happen, I would tell her to find a guy to protect her when I can’t.
All of my ideas about love comes not from shows or books. They come from the most powerful format in the world. Music. My first song about love that I can recollect is also my favorite song, “Obsession (No Es Amor)” by Frankie J featuring Baby Bash. While the song has no advice about love, the song talks about it. There are songs that I listen to that do give advice. Ja Rule’s “Put It On Me” contains lyrics such as one where the lyric goes “inseparable, we chose pain over pleasure”. The lyric talks about going through hardships rather than leaving for something less meaningful. Now on music making me feel the way I do now, there is one song that was introduced to me recently. “Happier” by Ed Sheeran had me feel an intense state of emotion on the first time I heard the song, causing some tears. One comment from the video affected me the most and this comment describes how I feel. The comment went “Ed makes you feel something for a ex you never had”.
When I finally become a parent of two kids, one daughter and one son, and they become adolescents, I will want them to realize that love is not like how it is depicted in the numerous fairy tales that they see in storybooks or on tv. Love is something that can not be predicted. You will not know whether the person you just met will be “the one.” You will not know what will come up in the future. You will not know how to deal with these conflicts that may occur between you and your loved one. Do not always think that the person you are in loved with right now will be the special one meant for you. Additionally, I want my kids to know that they should base their love on someone on their personality and not on how their appearances are. The perfect person is not always the “hottie down the corner” since they may have a completely undesirable personality that makes them a horrible person. Weight, facial qualities, and height are not all things that should be the first priority when looking at a girl/boy; it should be their personality on whether they are smart, dumb, kind, mean, funny, or dull.
ReplyDeleteAdditionally, my kids should not engage in any type of unhealthy relationships. They should not be with the ones or be the ones who are abusive, physically or mentally and are having a negative impact on either their own or the lover’s life. They should also get into a relationship just for the fun of it or out of boredom since there would be no point in having that relationship in the first place. They should not get into a relationship just so they can increase the amount of “bragging rights” that would only seem impressive to scums. They should not get into a relationship with someone based solely on their opulence; it is not about how society puts it today, “f*** b*****, get money” since that philosophy, first of all, is extremely wrong, and is not right to just date someone for their money at all.
I would rather have my kids be told what to expect just so they know how to avoid getting into those types of relationships in the first place. If I allow them to just experience these lessons about love, then they will receive a greater impact from it, but there is a chance that they may like becoming manipulative in their relationship and date only for their own selfish motives. Letting my children experience it on their own is to me a big risk, but huge reward type of thing since I will not know whether they will truly learn from their mistake or continue to repeat the wrongs and continues to get into bad relationships.
The most important thing that I want my kids to know about love is that they should be completely honest to their lover and that they should be completely faithful until either their breakup or until death. If I ever catch my son or daughter cheating or their girlfriends/boyfriends cheating on my children, then I will personally tell the other person and try to end that relationship. Cheating is possibly one of the worst things, to me, that you can do when dating someone since it makes me think that one of the lovers are not being completely serious about the current relationship that they have. Furthermore, I will advise my children from lying to their love since that will easily create numerous problems that could potentially lead to a heartbreaking break up. They should not be afraid to tell the truth to their partner. Both partners should be able to have a strong sense of trust with each other. Being honest and loyal are two of the most important things that my children should follow when they are in a relationship.
DeleteI will admit, half of what I just ranted about was based on my real life experiences from the past. I was and have seen my friends been cheated on before and I have seen numerous unhealthy relationships that my friends have been in. My ideas on love are all based on the relationships that I have observed throughout my life. Even though I was only involved in one good relationship, a lot of my friends have been involved in more which gives me a higher insight on what makes a good and what makes a bad relationship. Now, my opinion on love is that it is hard to come by and that love isn’t something that can be forced. My past experiences have affected my initial thoughts of love by maturing them to be a more realistic view.
As I have once mentioned before, I never had that whimsical experience of dating and being in love yet, mainly because I agree with my parents in not believing in middle school or high school relationships. However, through hearing happy or dismal accounts from people I know who have been involved in a relationship or TV’s love perspective, I have a good outlook on what I will tell them.
ReplyDeleteFirst, I will tell them that they need to love themselves. Through all the feelings of heartbreak I have experienced in my life from degrading words uttered against me in mockery, they will need to know that unfortunately, there are some people in this world who are not so nice. As a result, they need to have self-confidence and fall in love with themselves first as protection so that in the case of a relationship failure which is likely in their young ages (since middle school relationships are mostly temporary), they will not feel as if they are nothing and lose their self-pride, as I sadly often hear. When one loves his or herself, it is harder to allow others to derogate them and will even feel unaffected. I will emphasize this the most to my daughter since this matter is especially arduous for many girls in a society of increased pressure in women.
Loving yourself also means to be themselves, and with this I will also mention to them that they should not change themselves for the pleasure of anyone because that is not genuine love and is instead a harbinger of a failed relationship only created for show or fitting in society.
The next important thing I will advise them is to avoid abusive relationships by avoiding partners who are generally rude, disrespectful, or physically or emotionally offensive. For instance, guys should not call girls the b-word for example (though it seems so normalized these days with either gender), or girls should not feel verbally abused. Most of the time it is easier to point this people out initially, but many times this could also be revealed as the relationship progresses (which is why people break up a lot of the time).
This leads me into my next point, which is love is not a joke, and it is not simplistic. Based on what I have heard and seen even through the relationship between my parents, love is not always like those super-perfect romance movies that make people cry at the happy endings. For this reason, they should not rush into relationships and should instead take their time. At ages 12 and 13, rushing into relationships often lead into more heartbreak, especially during their young years figuring themselves out. If they are choosing their partners wisely, the likelihood of this happening decreases if they take the time to know the person before involvement in a relationship.
Since I was younger, my parents have strictly enforced a negative view on love during this age, and I have believed them ever since. However, since I was so shielded away from love, I realized that they have told me this in a way where I now fear connections. I am not entirely comfortable yet to open myself up and trust someone I do not know. For this reason, I will try to raise my kids in a way where they are not so afraid and tell them that they world still has many trustworthy, good people, and with this advice in mind, I will let them explore the rest themselves.
For my beloved children who probably don’t have a clue about what love is. I would want them to know that when falling in love, they should remember to love themselves first and more than anyone else. Also, stating the obvious here, but that they are still young. There will be plenty of girls/boys that they will bump into and start to have feelings for. Lastly, I want them to know that no one is worth their tears or their sadness and that if someone was to ever break their hearts, I should be the first to know. For my daughter, I don’t want to see her beautiful face covered in tears and her confidence lowered because of some asshole. And for my son, I don’t want him to be the asshole that does stupid things to upset anyone.
ReplyDeleteHowever, I wouldn’t tell them this until one of them bring up the topic. It’s not because I’m scared or worried for their love lives but because I want them to figure out love their own way. I wouldn’t want to change their point of view on love or how to love in anyway because everyone has their own opinions. Although I wouldn’t tell them right off the bat, once they get to the point where they have a boyfriend/girlfriend I will then address love. Speaking about the boyfriend/girlfriend part, that event will, upon my approval, happen when they’re 15 or 16.
As my children began to mature, I will eventually tell them all there is to know about my past experiences with love and how I survived. Well, when I said “all there is to know” I didn’t actually mean everything… But I will tell them of the stories where I got my heart broken and how I later overcame my despair. I’ll tell them that in order to trust people and truly love someone, I had to learn how to love and get comfortable with myself first. To continue, I’ll advise them that they will never love someone nearly as much as they will love their children.
My ideas of love came from my own experiences. My own experiences include watching romances on TV, reading romantic novels, and dealing with real life love experiences. The most important event that impacted the way I feel about love now is my past relationship, two years ago. It wasn’t the heartbreak that sculpted my love point of view, but it was the emotions that I felt. After the heartbreak I realized how real and special love felt and even though someone was capable of hurting me, the power of love could overcome my sadness. Also, I have to give credit to the Twilight series and the Titanic. I’m sorry but Edward and Bella and Jack and Rose will always be my inspiration for love.
Based on your personal experiences, what do you want them to KNOW about love? The first love you should have is the love of yourself and your family. My family taught me what love is. Love is a shelter
ReplyDeleteIn a raging storm. Love is not fight, but it’s something worth fighting for.
Will you tell them? I will tell and try my best to show what love is Just as my parents did for me.
Will you let them find out on their own? Love is a roller coaster we all go on. Sometimes a roller coaster is unpredictable and you must learn some things by yourself. So yes, I would let them find out some stuff on their own.
What are the most important and key pieces of information you want your kids armed with when it comes to notions and ideas about love? Love is powerful. Some people like to call things love or make it just a word. But love is so much more that can change your life and another if it is true.
How much of what you tell them will be based on your own experiences? Everything that I will tell them will mostly be from example. I will love my wife (their mother) and my children with all my heart and teach love by example. I believe we learn some of the most important things about love from your parents because they are what you grow up with.
And finally, where did your own ideas about love come from? Do you think that had anything to do with how you feel about it now? All my ideas of love came from my parents and the bible for my love of God. They have showed me mercy, grace, forgiveness, and understanding. Some of the most important components of love. Everything has taught me to love yourself and to never give up on love because that can be your biggest regret.
Well, I’ve only just dipped my toe in the world of love. I know I am “Super Kami Love Guru” and all, but in reality I am but a novice. I can however draw upon the experiences of others who I know have dealt with love. If I were to tell my kids anything about love, it would be that love is a natural feeling, and that they should not be afraid to express it, no matter what it is.They should also know that the first love may not always be the last one either, as there are MANY people in this world. I think it is best to tell them all this, and they can decide if they want to heed my advice. Most of what I tell them will come from me, but I will of course incorporate anything that I deem useful to know. They will need to know that love is not the end-all-be-all of their teenage lives, it will work out! My first ideas of love came from TV, dead serious. I was a lame kid, and never actually talked to girls like that until recently, but you can bet I watched all the cartoon love stories.
ReplyDeleteAnd I learned it from the Bible too.
DeleteI will never make my children’s decisions for them, despite my personal experiences, because every situation is different. I will try my best to lead my children towards the right direction, but I know it is their lives, not mine. So no matter what I say or do they are still going to do what they prefer. I know my kids are going to do things they may regret in life, but I need to allow them to make their own mistakes so they can learn from them, just as I did.
ReplyDeleteI would warn them that love is not easy. Love comes with a lot of factors that some people cannot handle. Loving someone could be the easiest thing you can do, but staying in love is the hardest. Love comes with both beautiful and horrifying memories, which is what makes everything unforgettable. I want my kids to recognize who is going to there for them and who is not. I will explain to them the difference between manipulating someone and loving someone, that way they never manipulate their partner or never get manipulated by them.
I get my ideas of love based of my experiences. I would share my experiences with my kids so they understand why I think the way I do. All I can hope is that they do not experience the same things as I did. Because, in the end, I would hate for my children to go through any of the things I have so far.
Love is probably the hardest concept to deal with as a parent because you can’t really teach it. With Thing 1 (Daughter) and Thing 2 (Son) barely being teens there isn’t much they need to know at that age. While this is the age they start to grow up into adults they aren’t old enough for any serious kind of love. When they get older, by around 15 or 16 then I can finally aid them on their quest for love. The best way for them to learn love is by finding it on their own but I will most certainly be there to guide them. The biggest concept they need to learn is that love is different than their early childhood crushes. When you’re younger a majority of kids date solely based on appearance. Love is different because it truly is heavily based on someone’s personality. A lesson my mom taught me (that I will pass down to Thing 1 & 2) is that you can notice a person’s looks change depending on your perception of them. If you believe someone is the best person they can be on the inside then you’ll notice their looks dramatically on the outside. You also want to make sure that this person is not only a love interest but also a friend. The friendship between a couple is what helps some pull through the difficult times later in that relation compared to those that aren’t much of friends. There are many other lessons for me to teach them but for the most part, it’s up to them to figure it out. If I were to control their love life it would have disastrous effects so the best way for me to help is as a coach on the sidelines helping them whenever they need me( or to dispel false beliefs about love).
ReplyDeleteMy ideas of love come from mostly personal experience as little as that may be. My Mom has been an influential figure when it comes to love as well. My Mom has always been open about every topic and when it comes to love she’s there to guide my brothers and I down the right path. I believe her willingness to not interfere and to just let things happen is what has given me such a profound view on love. I know my parents aren’t the perfect relationship but because they followed the lessons my Mom has passed down to me, like being friends with your partner as well, their relationship has been going on strong for over a decade of marriage and they’re only in their early 30s. I find it better to see what love is in person to be told about what it should be all your life. That’s is why I would ultimately like to lead by example with my wife to show how love should be.
ReplyDeleteI don't really know if I ever want children cause, I'm literally building up that typical workaholic never goes anywhere, focuses on work and business related stuff demeanor. Definitely how you see in the movies that being a workaholic pushes people away I have done that already unintentionally. I plan to be a business owner even if it's a small business there's nothing like having your own.
So, If I ever luck up with kids. I'll tell them that right now love for them is temporary. Don't put your all into anyone right now your main focus is money and school. All a relationship will do is leave you unfocused and distracted a promise you. That part would go for both my son and my daughter. Mostly, because, when a boy starts to fall for a girl he starts to chase behind her and he needs to be chasing a football, basketball or a dream.
For my daughter, " You are beautiful never let anyone tell you any different," self love is the best love because, if you love someone else before you love yourself they have the power to make you hate who you are. Put on a tough skin for boys don't wear your heart on your sleeve. No relationship in elementary or in highschool is worth getting so emotionally attached. Boys at your age probably don't have the mental maturity that you do. So, don't try to wait for them to be ready either when you go off to college you'll find someone. Don't waste your time with guys that'll sweet talk there way into your pants. Although, I don't plan for you to be dating anytime soon I know things happen so, I'm open minded and I hear for you if you need me.
Almost all of what I'd tell my kids would come from mere experience. For my son, " Treat a women how you'd want a man to treat your mother." Nothing less than a queen. Women are sensitive creatures with more tender emotions than you baby. You must be gentle when dealing with one. You can't fall for a girl your only physically attracted to how's her personality? Is she funny? Does she make you laugh? Is she compassionate? If she is son than become friends with her because, the best relationships come from friendships. Establish from the beginning "Even if it doesn't workout I'll always be someone you can get advice from I always be your friend." I know I'm telling you this but, relationships shouldn't be your main concern because, there's two sides of love and one side of it hurts like a truck hit you. No, I'm not just telling you cause I'm your mom. In order to appreciate the good side of love you'll have to know the bad. I know you'll unintentionally break a few hearts but, don't be a fucking jerk! Don't date girls friends. Don't call them outside of there name! Don't let anyone else disrespect them.
This has everything to do with how I feel right now. I'm losing hope for love. I'm tired of wasting my time with guys that don't even think I'm worth a text back. While people think I'm ignoring guys that aren't cute I'm ignoring the cute ones to because, looks aren't everything. Anyone can waste your time a terrible thing to waste.
First, I would tell my children that it is very important to love yourself before you love anyone else. If you don’t love yourself, it will make it easy for your self-esteem and confidence become extremely poor. You emotionally cannot love anyone without loving yourself first.
ReplyDeleteBased on my own experiences, I feel like it is better to let children experience things on their own. I am the type of person who will listen to multiple people tell me something a million times before I take any type of advice from it. I will let something happen to me a million times until I learn from it. Therefore, I think letting someone “learn the hard way” is the better option. Even though they may get hurt from it, it will make them a stronger person. But instead of letting my children run into the real world with no important information, I will talk to them only about twice before I let them go on their own.
When it comes to love, being the age of 12 and 13 I feel like it’s too soon to “love”. I may be wrong. It’s okay to have crushes on people but love is too strong of a word for someone so young. I would tell my children to enjoy being children. Have fun with friends and enjoy your child life. When you love it will come so easily. Love isn’t supposed to be a hardship. There will always be ups and downs in a relationship even when you’re in love with each other. Love comes with trust and loyalty. If that isn’t easy for someone in a relationship then most likely that person isn’t the one for them. Personally, at this moment I wouldn’t know what to tell my kids about being in love because I feel as though I don’t even know what love really is myself.
I get my own ideas about love mostly from my own experience. My mom has talked to me about it a couple of times but I usually tell her I don’t want to talk about stuff like that. When I look at love I look at my parents. My parents love each other. My dad treats my mom like a queen and he provides me and her with our needs and wants. My parents are one definition of love.
Based on my personal experiences what I want my kids to know about love is that love is fragile, Love is sweet, Love is arduous, and Love is befuddling. Love is an extremely complicated subject that can make one's brain and heart hurt. If it ever cross their minds and inquire about love I'll answer them. When we were young, were inquisitive. We were a curious bunch. Nothing but full of questions. Always looking for answers in order to feed our curious minds. We all would find out someday; so it's best to let them know. I would let them find love on their own. It's basically a quest and an obstacle for all of us in our lives. However, if I see something that may physically, mentally, or emotionally hurt them, I will step in like an impervious shield. In this world there are going to be forces and obstacles against you plus there are some things you can never do alone which is why it's good to have someone who knows you well and can aid in overcoming the obstacle.
ReplyDeleteWhen it comes to love, the most important and key pieces of information I want my kids armed with when it comes to notions and ideas about love is to be knowledgeable, sensible, wise and keen. All these pieces can help you make the right choices to help you in love. Some people tend to forget and lose common sense and rush into a relationship without thinking about the consequences and actions that may result after. They are always blind and never open their eyes to see if the person they are with is whom they truly want to be with. The result of it as you can see is heartbreaking. If one isn't knowledgeable, keen, wise in their decisions then they would be in a pit full of sorrow and regret.
For me I haven't experienced love yet. So I'm basically out of the loop but I can refer to others' experiences. Some are good and others are bad. Overall I based my ideas of love from others' experiences with it. And because of their experiences I tend to be alert. I choose not to follow love now in spite of the fact I'm 17. I rather wait and see if I'm ready for love and if that person is right for me. These words are going to be my advice to my kids. Be patient don't be hasty, for there's a time and place for everything. Live isn't going anywhere, it shall follow you and the answers shall be clear as well.
When I first decide to talk to my kids about love and the pros and cons of love I will first tell them that you can’t rush love. You can't force yourself to love something, and that love will come naturally. Love is something that will show up when you least expect it and will swipe you off your feet and turn your world upside down (in a good way ofcourse.) My knowlege of love comes from my parents. I have not ever fallen in love with anyone yet. One of the quotes that my dad told me when I was younger (8th grade year) was that I need to slow down and take a step back and only go after the girls that I could see a future with. That was basically his way of saying “don’t go chasing any hoes”. Ever since that day I have kinda checked myself everytime I think about going after a girl and it usually results in me realizing that whatever girl I was going after is basically a thot. I would relay that message to my kids and make sure that they understand that it is ok to not always be in a relationship.
ReplyDeleteBased on the personal experiences I have had about love I would tell my children to respect the true nature of love and the things they could benefit from it and the feeling they could get out of it. Love is a fickle thing. It can be the best feeling in the world at one moment and in another it can shatter you. I would always allow my children to venture into the world of romance but I would make sure to tell them a few things before doing so. The first thing is to build trust. Without trust a relationship would break instantly so they would need to establish this first. Also to make sure they know how to treat someone in a proper relationship. Of course the last one is to not date someone who could easily manipulate or take advantage of them.
ReplyDeleteThe hardest thing to teach my children is the hard, darker side of something as beautiful as love. Based on true experience heartbreak is sometimes inevitable but you can't let yourself get down because of just one person. There are always other fish out there in the sea and it's just a matter of reeling in the right one. These ideas that I will share with hopefully my real children and these ones all come from personal experiences in my life. Although I have barley scratched the surface when it comes to a lot of romance I have learned many valuable lessons that I would teach my children. Love is a emotional drug that when you take it you feel amazing but once it's taken away in an instant it can be the worse feeling in the world.