To be honest, that whole Wizard of Oz mantra never really made sense to me.
As a kid, I moved around A LOT. It wasn't until I was 15 and a sophomore in high school that I was ever in the same school for more than a year. Because of this--well, because of many things but this is just easier to point a finger at--I have never been able to go back to a place where I lived and say, "This was my home--I belonged here." As a result, I posit that feeling as though we belong somewhere has a tremendous impact on who we are and who we may one day become.
The need to belong is embedded in most people's genetic make-up. Abraham Maslow, a renowned psychologist who conceptualized what is known as an individual's "Hierarchy of Needs,” reasoned that the need to belong is third on the pyramid to a fulfilling life (the first two are pretty basic--physiological and safety needs), and without that feeling, we simply cannot advance, grow or ever fully become the people we are destined to be. Interested in knowing more about my boy Abe? Go here.Maslow's Hierarchy Of Needs
So--what do you think? Do you, at the young and impressionable age of 16 or 17, feel the inherent need to belong? I bold that because feeling the need and feeling that you actually DO belong are sometimes two very different things. The most popular people you can imagine, the ones who are in every club, do every sport, go to every party--do you think THEY feel as though they belong?
If you feel like you do belong somewhere--where is it? What makes you feel that way? What does that sense of belonging do for you and your self-esteem?
If you don't feel as though you belong somewhere--why not? What do you feel is missing? Are you misunderstood, undervalued, overlooked? What does NOT feeling like you belong do for you and your self-esteem?
A lot to ponder over--trust me, I know. Give it some thought and tell me about it.
I know some people may disagree with me, but I truly believe that everyone has a place where they belong and fit in perfectly. I do not feel the need to belong whatsoever because things change constantly. What I mean by that is after highschool, I won’t be seeing anyone I see everyday besides a few people I want to keep in touch with. High school is a place where people find themselves. Are you a partier? A bookworm? A druggie that wants nothing to do with school or education whatsoever? For better or for worse, high school always brings new tests of character.
ReplyDeleteI don’t think the most popular people fit in. They want to be popular, and make an effort that is not needed. They try to be friends with everyone and would do anything to feel as if they belong. Putting all of that effort into other people or things sometimes makes you forget who you truly are inside. Their main focus becomes on other people and keeping up with everything going on around them. I’m not saying this is the case 100% of the time, but most of the time, that is what I have witnessed.
I feel like I belong with the tennis team and my family. They provide a comforting feeling for me. We love each other even when we hate each other. That sense of belonging gives me warmth. I feel as if I have two families and I am loved by the people I love most.
Like most people, I don't feel the need to belong anywhere. I don't feel like I need a little "clique" of my own whether it's in sports , classes or just in my neighborhood. I don't have a certain type of people I connect with , they don't have to have specific traits or qualities. They can be the complete opposite of me or exactly like me and it really won't make a difference to me. In order for me to actually be social with you I have to find something about you that appeals to me.I feel this way not because I'm misunderstood or anything, but because I just like to do my own thing and I don't believe in following other people. I don't feel the need to act a certain way because someone wants to me because I know I won't be happy with the choices I make. There are too many people, especially in high school, that will encourage you to do things like weed and go to obscene parties. I have encountered a lot of these types of people and gladly no matter how may times they encourage me or constantly ask me, I've always said no. I've said no so many times that people don't even bother asking me anymore because they know it's not me or someone will start to ask me and they'll be like "wait never mind, I know you gonna say no." I can't even count how many times people have laughed and been like "you a lame" , or "you have no life." Quite honestly, it doesn't bother me and I'll just laugh because as long as I'm not making bad decisions, I don't mind being called things like that.The only place I actually feel the need to belong is my family because I'm with them my whole life and I wouldn't want someone to criticize me about something my whole life.
ReplyDeleteMaking my way to the age of eighteen it's sad to say I'm not sure I belong anywhere. I've grown up moving from house to house because of my alcoholic/druggie of a mother. I've never been able to call a house home because it's never felt like that. Growing up not having that one solid place to rely on really took a toll on me. Life sucked all the time and I never had a place to go to when I felt the worst. I managed to stay in Mays Landing for a majority of my life besides being in EHT my freshman year, being in Pine Hill most of my elementary years. I moved back and forth from Mays Landing to many other places. Moving so much, dealing with my mom, and other family issues damaged me. I don't trust people easily, I don't believe a house can be a home. I just look at it as place to stay. Never having that home feeling really messed up my feelings of feeling like I belong somewhere. School I never feel like I belong I feel like I have to be there, that it's just another one of my responsibilities. When I'm with friends hanging out sometimes I much rather be home because everyone else is having fun and I'm not. Last year I fell in love with the girl a few rows across from me in my English class as I've said before in my previous blog, I made her my 'home' I guess you can say. I always felt so safe in her arms and when she would tell me "It'll be okay." I believed it. I felt a sense of belonging with her and then she left. I lost that sense of belonging and I'm slowly starting to gain it back. As of right now I don't feel like I belong anywhere, I'm just here.
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ReplyDeleteTo be completely honest, I feel like I don't belong in Oakcrest. Usually when you truly feel like you belong, you get that "home" type of feeling and you're just really comfortable with everything. However, at school I never truly get a sense of home and I never really am comfortable. Being at school makes me feel exhausted and annoyed because how could you truly love going to a place full of people that irritate you. No, i'm not saying I hate everyone at school but there's a good majority of people that I don't like. I am mostly overlooked at school, a lot of people don't know the way I act at home and they usually think I'm a weirdo or I'm antisocial. For my self esteem, it makes me feel low and unappreciated because in a way I wish I could be more involved at school but I'm too lazy to want to actually stay after. I cherish my after school naps and hanging out with my friends in Pleasantville when I get out.
ReplyDeleteI feel as though I belong the most when I'm with my two closest friends, Janice and Yomayra. Although we argue a lot and disagree, I trust them the most and they're the only two people, besides my boyfriend, that I tell everything to. And "everything" means everything, from arguments with my boyfriend, rants on the amount of schoolwork I have to do, and just the usual 411 (as Regina George's mom would say). I don't have to act any type of way with them because I feel completely and utterly comfortable with them. If people could be an object, they would be my "home." As creepy/weird as that sounds, it's true. Because they make me feel so happy, they're the reason my self esteem is high. They have made me realize true friends really do exist.
As for the popular kids, it may seem like they belong but they actually don't. There's more to them then just what everyone else sees. It could go both ways when trying to figure out what they are, which is either them being overlooked or under looked. Some people might think that they're just trying to hard to fit in and other's think that they're actually amazing. However, there's two types of popular people- the ones that feed off of attention and the others that just naturally act cool and attract people. You can't really tell if someone belongs to something unless you step in there shoes honestly.
To be completely honest, I don't recall ever getting a feeling of not belonging. Besides from the typical moments with friends where you are not included in something, I always feel like I belong somewhere. Maybe I'm wrong. Maybe I am not fully understanding the depth of this concept. Or, maybe it is just my personality; because I find it unusual that I don't feel this feeling of loneliness or emptiness. I believe it is natural to not always feel like you belong somewhere at some time. Therefore, maybe I just simply don't dwell over that feeling because I know that it is normal and common. I am lucky to be apart of a wonderful family with cousins and aunts and uncles that all have an unimaginable love for one another.Therefore, I belong. I have played soccer since I was 3 years old so that exposed me to tons of people that have the same interest as me. Therefore, I belong because I am surrounded by people like me. I've been in honors classes for years now, so I have been forced to stay with the same group of honors kids each year of school. Therefore, I belong. I am apart of several clubs that all have one goal in the end; to help others. Therefore, I belong. You get my point. The things I do each day allow me to feel like I belong. Feeling like I belong gives me a sense of comfort and happiness. It is nice to know that I have people around me who will help me when I need it, as well as give me a life full of laughter and fun. I don't think in order to live I NEED to feel like I belong, but it just so happens that I do. I love my school, I love the people I am surrounded by, and I love everything I am apart of.
ReplyDeleteI think ANYONE feel the need to belong, not literally, but the belonging that one will feel fully accepted for who he/she truly is. This type of belonging emits a lifetime of happiness, comfortability, security, and healthy lifestyle. In fact, I think teenagers are the number one group that seeks for the need to belong. We are on the stage where we start to explore so we tend to discover new things about ourselves, it could be the best thing ever or it could be the worst as well. These discoveries can only go either way: accepted or rejected. As teenagers, we are scared to be rejected and be alone so we try to always favor the majority. We forget to be our unique, individual selves. I think there are only a handful of kids who are basically in everything that feel they belong. As from what I can see, most of those who are in “everything” also called “the popular kids” are only there for popularity. They want to be seen as the coolest kids in high school so they put all their energy and/or time to things that is actually unnecessary for them to do, just so that they fit in.
ReplyDeletePersonally, I do not “feel” the need to belong. I always think, “friends come and go.” In life, new people will come, while others will leave. The only ones who will stay are those who are willing to stay, and I am more than thankful that I already do have those kinds of people in my life. I always believe that in life, the ones that will always DO make me feel I belong is my family. Conflicts may come but their presence and love will ALWAYS be there. They will never do anything to hurt or bring me down. They always want what’s the best for me and ever since, they have been a very supportive bunch. Our family is our #1 cheerleaders who will help us go back up when things go down. They are like the foundations to a building, they are meant to stay forever for support. My family means a lot to me because they make me appreciate life even more.
I was born in Egg Harbor Township in 2000. In 2006, before I started elementary school, I moved to Duluth, Georgia. In 2014, I moved again, but this time back up north to King george, Virginia. Now, in 2016, I'm back to where I started. After moving around more than some students my age, the feeling of wanting to belong somewhere is not very familiar to me. I don't feel the need anymore. Sure, back in elementary school, all you wanted to do was have as many friends as you could, because you wanted to fit in and know you were accepted by your fellow peers. But as I have grown older, my inner circle of friends has grown smaller and smaller because I realized that it's okay to be different, it's okay to stand out. I don't need the comfort of thousands of social media "friends", or the popularity of the school jock. I'm perfectly fine being who I am, where I am.
ReplyDeleteI believe that popular kids sway back and forth between belonging somewhere and not belonging somewhere. Walk down the hallways of highschool for instance. You see all the popular kids grouped together, but do they all socialize as one big group? Of course not. Within the group forms smaller, more intimate friendships, where some popular people belong. However, it doesn't always work that way. Sometimes, you see popular kids act the way they act to grab attention because they are missing that sense of belonging. They want people to recognize them so that they know they are accepted.
I belong right where I am, with friends, family, peers, teachers, coaches, etc. We are all in the same boat. Once I realized that, I no longer needed to search for the place I belonged. My self-esteem is perfectly fine. Once you know you belong somewhere, your self-esteem becomes more positive. You no longer think of yourself as an outcast or unvalued. You begin to believe that you can do anything you set your mind to, and it's all because you know you belong somewhere.
I think we can all agree that a side dish of the big entree of high school is the desire to fit in and belong. People make high school out to be the place that sets your reputation in stone for the rest of your life, which I believe is the main reason as to why people are more concerned when it comes to belonging than they are with their actual education. Wherever we are right now and however much we belong won’t matter 15 years down the road when we are making billions of dollars and living in homes with indoor pools. So as for me, I don’t have the need to belong. I am not desperate when it comes to marking my territory throughout the halls of Oakcrest simply because what people thought of me in my 4 years here will not matter when I am married with kids and a few dogs. I am where I am. I have the friends that I have. I’m in the clubs and sports that I do. Whatever I do, I do for me. Not for my peers. And that in itself makes me feel as though I belong right where I am.
ReplyDeleteI do think that the most popular people feel that they belong. I think the fact that they are well known in itself gives them a reason to feel as though they belong. But again, will they belong after high school? They are bound to get caught up in the spotlight for these 4 years. But what happens when they throw their cap up in the air in June and walk off the property of Oakcrest for the last time as a student? Will it matter? I don’t think it will. There are people that become so focused on belonging in high school, that they don’t look ahead and focus on how it matters much more to belong out in the real world.
I feel like I belong right where I am. I am currently very happy and content with my life and all that I do in it. I belong right where I am; on the soccer team because I have played my entire life and that’s all I know, in the biomedical magnet program because I WILL be a doctor one day, one of the founders of the lemon club because I have a weird desire to make an impact in the world of cancer, and a peer mediator because I find joy in helping people work out their differences. All that I am involved in right now is what makes me feel like I belong. I know that whatever I am doing right now is because I wanna do it in my future, which is why I belong right where I am. This sense of belonging is what keeps me going. I know that I am on the right track to my future, and that is a huge accomplishment for me.
Honestly, I think that people seek for a place to belong whether they realize it or not. By belonging, they want to fit in and get along with the people around them. My middle school experience is perfect for this situation. From 6th to 8th grade, I hopped from one group to another trying to find what fitted me best. I went from a very bright and cheery group to a somewhat dark and depressing bunch. Two very different groups of people to hang out with. I realize that no one ever wants to feel alone. They always want to be accompanied by at least one person, which is their sense of belonging.
ReplyDeleteI agree that the feel of needing to belong and the feel of belonging is different and in this case, I believe no one actually feels like they belong, ironic, I know. There would always be a feeling of doubt about whether they really fit in a certain group or not because no one is like the other. There would always be a difference from you and everyone else, which always make us question: “Is this really the group I belong in” or “If I was in some other posse, would I feel a more sense of secure from them than here?”.
As a person, I feel that we, in general, all seek for a sense of belonging, but is never satisfied when we find a group we supposedly belong in. Why is that? I do not know. Maybe it is because we are greedy and expect more from the people around us than the amount they give us. Maybe it is because we never fully open ourselves up to the people we trust. We are constantly afraid that we would get hurt, so we tend to keep some things secret and never tell anyone about. Our self-esteem may drop due to this action, but it can also rise due to the constant search of belonging in a group.
(This does not just apply to friends, but also family)
I have to agree with Dorothy here to an extent because for me there's no place I belong to but home. Although when I say home I do not mean home as a place but as a family. My family is were I truly belong I feel happy, at peace, and safe. They have given me nothing but love and as much gifts as they can give me. The only feeling of belonging in school I have ever felt is having friends, and well for me I've already accomplished that. I love my family dearly and they return it ten fold and then some. Just being around my family already boosts my mood and self-esteem. I could care less about belong to those other groups in school besides my golf team. So really for me its simple for where I belong. I belong to my family and other peole I know dearly.
ReplyDeleteThis is a very hard question and can be interpreted in many ways. I always never thought of me belonging somewhere nor had the desire to want to belong in something specific. I do believe I belong somewhere in life I just don't know it yet. And at this age I don't feel I need to belong nor feel its important at this age. I feel good where I am right now and changing my lifestyle to want to belong is something I 'd rather not do. It doesn't bother me that I don't belong in certain groups of people and don't get to do stuff most people would enjoy. Even not belonging any where right now will not affect me in the future at all. Belonging can get you a nice reputation with other people and can help make friends for the future but is still jot important to me at this age. I belong where ever I am now and don't need to belong anywhere else. Its not that I don't belong anywhere in life but I feel its something that is not as important as other things. The only thing I belong with is video games which gets me nowhere in life. There are things in life that can help in life when belonging to them but still I feel it won't really matter for the future.
ReplyDeleteI'd like to think that I get along with everybody. And I would like to reiterate that I try to make everybody my friend in this school. And I guess that level of insecurity comes from me never truly knowing who I am as a person and just trying to find the group of people I relate with the most. Because while I classify myself as an introvert, I'd like to think that I am a complex teenager. And while I continue to find out new stuff about myself, popularity always struck me to put my name out there without knowing what to think about it. And there are nights where I feel I'm annoying to this certain group of people or that certain group of people or just the whole school in general. And when I get in that type of state of mind, I feel insecure and feel I don't belong.
ReplyDeletePart of that is because I don't like wearing Jordans, or listening to trap music. But there are some people that just accept me for that maybe because they don't wear or listen to the same things I don't. That's where I do feel I belong. And that's ok in my eyes knowing that there other people like me that don't care about wearing the hottest sneakers or having designer belts or listening to trap music. It's refreshing to know at there are simple people in this school just like me, making me feel like I belong.
Now as far as the ‘cool kids’ in this school, I don't speak for them, but I don't know how to achieve such great popularity. But I will say that there is no such thing as a ‘cool kid’. I believe that if you're a generally nice person, and respect others around you, then doesn't that give you the ultimate sense of popularity? Not smoking weed or constantly drinking at parties right? And I'm not saying that there's anything wrong with that. If you're into that type of stuff, then all power to you: YOLO. But for me, I'm just trying to have my name heard in a different way. I'm just not the partying type of person. And people who are, and continue to be in popular clubs and activities, seem to have all the popularity because it seems everyone is their friend. Maybe I look at it like that simply because I know a lot of people in this school that are popular because they do those things.
I'm not saying you absolutely need to do those things to be popular at least in this school, but it seems you become more popular by doing so. Some people just feel like doing that sort of thing to relieve the stress of school, life or anything that seems to be annoying them that day. Or maybe it gives them closure from fear of being alone. Or maybe I'm looking way into this and people just want to interact with their fellow Falcons. Either way, we all want to be popular, it just a matter or how popular you want to be. I think I'm happy with the popularity level I'm at right now. Just about everybody in my class knows me, plus half the senior class and some freshmen and sophomores. I like the friends I have, and the position I'm in as far as popularity goes. And I know I'll always have at least one person to lean on, never making me alone.
Of course I feel the need to belong... if I didn’t then I wouldn’t feel comfortable with the activities I participate in, the things I do, and the people I hangout with. I’ll never try to “fit in” or correct myself to inhabit a place that doesn’t feel right for me, but I don’t think there’s a single thing wrong with having the desire to belong. Personally, feeling the need to belong is all a psychological thing. You can know someone, or be that someone who is involved with sports, goes to parties and is considered the “social butterfly”, but it doesn’t necessarily mean that they, or you, belong. It could all be for show, or to prove that you (or they) do fit in, or belong.
ReplyDeleteRight now I’m very content with the people in my life, and the things I allow myself to do. I feel like I belong, and I’m happy with it for now; but as I’ve stated in previous writings, I crave change. I know that pretty soon, I’m going to grow tired of what I’m content with, and I’m going to find something else to be content with. It’s who I am, and it’s what I’ve always done. So basically, as of right now, I belong at Oakcrest High school in good ole Mays Landing, I belong with the field hockey team (which are the people I’m most comfortable around), I belong with my closest friends and family, and in the future, I’ll have new things and new people to belong to
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ReplyDeletePersonally I do want to feel like I belong, who doesn't? I am not saying I am the type of person to keep up with all of the latest fads just to feel that I fit in, but knowing that you are accepted for who you are is an amazing feeling that can do wonders for one's self-esteem, and sadly some people do not get to feel that way. I don't fall into a specific group per say, I see myself as more of a wildcard, a group of my own, that does not discriminate between the belongers and the uninvited. If I were to specify what kind of people I prefer to be around I would say that I prefer to surround myself with the smarter kids. I would prefer them over most because I would much rather have an intelligent conversation about ideas and academics then talk about who’s what someone is wearing or how they are “Outta pocket”.
ReplyDeleteAs for the popular kids in school, there are those that are involved with school sports and activities which is great, but then there are those who seem to believe that they belong in a crowd that doesn't really suit them, as if there were destined for greatness but stand in their own way. I have witnessed this first hand, some people who have the brain to do great things instead surround themselves with the wrong crowd and somehow still believe that they belong. Maybe they don't believe that they can do better, or maybe they just don't care enough to make change happen. But some people just need to learn a lesson the hard way.
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DeleteWhen I was about five years old I lived in North Carolina best year of my life.I could feel the warmth from peoples heart and their hospitality.It was amazing to see how much they support each other.The interaction of people and how they reacted is embedded in my mind.Then, I moved to New Jersey and got teased for being to nice to people if thats even possible.You know the saying, " taking my kindness for weakness".I got tired of treating people good and them fucking me over continously.Then, that's when I did the worst thing I could've ever did treat people the way they treated me.Because, gradually I became the monster I was trying to avoid.I put my guard so, that I wouldn't get hurt by people.Coming from a free spirit thats a drastic change.I don't feel like I belong in New Jersey, or even in my family.I'm not talking about immediately family but, cousins,aunts,uncles and other relatives.I'm nothing like them they're the kind of people who envy you instead of supporting you.Its so easy to envy when your on the other side of the grass but, it isn't always greener.I promise you that! Thats my problem with them though why do you uncounciously put yourself in competition with your own family.I want my family to do good I'd think if they became sucessful that would mean we all would be set for life.Wrong, they wouldn't give me shit not even if they we're filthy rich.They rather talk bad about me before, they speak highly of all the things I do.I knew I was doing good, when they stopped mentioning my name altogether.I'm fine with that though because, whats the worth of family anymore? I can't even answer that and I rather not..
ReplyDeleteWanting to belong to something outside my surroundings is what makes me want to go to an out of state college.I want to see more of the world this area is so small and peoples mindset is so provincial.I just want to have a countless amount of opportunities!The sky is the limit.
DeleteThe blog this week has twisted me up in so many untieable knots. I couldn’t wrap my head around the feeling to belong. I don’t understand it. I never felt like I had to try to belong, and I never thought I did or didn’t belong. I just never thought about it. The feeling of belonging never occurred to me. Maybe it’s because I already belong? But I still can’t comprehend it. What do I belong to? Field Hockey? School? Room 204? I don’t know, but it doesn’t matter to me. I believe that everyone belongs everywhere. I am a student-athlete, but does that mean I can’t fit in with the “band geeks” or “drama nerds?” No, well at least I think it not, others could very easily disagree. From my point of view, I could walk into an audition for the musical and feel as though I belong. It might be shocking, but as long as I believe the “drama nerds” will to. I don’t know what it feels like to not belong, but I know that belonging to something, and being apart of something can boost anyone’s self esteem in .2 seconds. My freshman year I ran for corresponding secretary for student council. Automatically I was connected to the whole school. I was proud of myself. I knew what went into the behind the scenes to pep rallies and field days, I loved it, I was involved, I belonged. The only someone could not belong, is if they believed they didn’t. Putting the four words, “I don’t belong here,” will cause someone to not belong. To feel like you belong is to believe that you do.
ReplyDeleteThe only place where I felt I belonged was with my haven. My grandmother died November 24, 2015 and she gave me a feeling of belonging. My grandmother is my angel that always supported me and I felt as though I was mostly myself when I was with her. Ever since she left I realized that I don’t feel as though I belong with anyone else in my family even my mother.
ReplyDeleteWhen you truly belong somewhere that is the place where you feel like you can completely be yourself and the place that you don’t feel as though you have to prove yourself. I constantly feel as though I have to prove myself or live up to my mom’s expectations. I get paranoid that if I do the wrong thing she would scowl at me. I constantly feel that I have to prove myself, so I won’t disappoint her.
A part of me hopes that one day I will belong somewhere. That one day I won’t feel as though I have to prove myself in order to live up to everyone else’s expectations. However, a part of me doesn’t because if I find a new “home” I will be replacing my grandmother when she is irreplaceable.
When I think of belonging I think of the people and groups I surround myself in. I feel like belonging to something or someone gives a sense of security and warmth most times, but not always. It was so hard for me to transition from ACIT to Oakcrest because over there I had a lot of friends and at Oakcrest I had a few people I talked to and considered friends. Having friendships are important to me, I like having a group of people who know me, can laugh with me and care for me as I care for them. Belonging to big groups of friends can sometimes feel empty, which is why I keep my circle small and remain comfortable with the friends and people I know. But aside from friendships I like belonging to a community of people who share my faith, they can guide me through specific problems. I like belonging to a family who knows me better than anyone else, a family who loves and cares for me, I don't know if I'd function properly if I were unfortunately a child born into a very cold life where I'd feel like an outcast in my own home. I do have a need for belonging, but I don't feel the need to belong to popular groups. I am too much of my own person to do what everyone else is doing and conform to social groups. I don't always want to do what is "in", I don't always want to go out, and believe it or not I don't always want to see my friends, it's the inner introvert in me. People belong where they feel most comfortable, so if popular people feel comfortable in their lifestyle, then that's great but that would never be me because putting up a facade is too much work when I can just be real with people. When I don't belong to a group of friends or feel desolate from my family the void I'm feeling is the lack of happiness. I need to be happy, and I need to laugh and be able to smile, because without that everything feels bland, and depression starts to kick in. I know that I am misunderstood, and pre judged. I know this because I don't show my personality to people I am not close to. And showing people so little of my personality can sometimes give them the wrong idea of who I am and how I act, but since I don't mind I don't care to change that.
ReplyDeleteTo me, home is where we can feel safe and relax. It’s the anchor in our life that doesn’t necessarily have to stay the same, but everyone should have one. We need someplace where we know we can fall back to and not have to worry about anything. I don’t know if that’s what belonging is, but that’s what that quote means to me.
ReplyDeleteSociety tells us that we shouldn’t feel the need to follow everyone. Each of us are different and one road isn’t going to be right for everyone. We’re told to go down the path that’s hardly been walked down before because it’s okay if you don’t want to be a follower. Make your own path. But when you take this out of a thought experiment and act on it in the real world, people start to act weird. They start to doubt you when you expected them to support you. They turn their backs on you when “you’re not the same person anymore”. It’s hard to stray from the ideals of the society and I applaud people who can voice their opinions that go against them. People can be vicious and hateful and it’s hard to stand up to that. One person against the world is a hard situation to be in and I wouldn’t be surprised if someone gave up after a while. We’re always evolving and changing is natural. If people can’t accept you for who you are, then it’s ok to leave them because you shouldn’t be surrounded by those kind of people. So, yes, the need to belong is natural, but if there is something wrong with the group/place, then belonging doesn’t matter that much anymore.
There’s always a person somewhere who everyone likes and that person likes being surrounded by people. The ones who aren’t selfish are the best people because they make you feel like you belong. Not belong to a group, but just belong and that you matter. They don’t have to feel it themselves, but they like making other people feel this way. In a way, they’re making their own group to belong to and they welcome anyone who wants to join.
All my life, I’ve always tried to American-ize myself. Because if you don’t even feel comfortable in your own country, then how are you supposed to find a place where it does? But, I’m slowly learning that it’s ok to be weird. I still cringe at the asian people who act a certain way, but that’s my own fault for setting a “normal” way to act. I have a few people in my life who are always worried about what others think and it holds them back and they transfer it to me. It’s annoying and frustrating that they can’t let go of their doubts. When it comes to going somewhere in public where everyone is a stranger, I try to tell them that they’ll never see us again and who cares if they think you’re weird for a couple minutes? Whenever I see a weird random stranger, it’s not branded into my mind, so why should it be different when it comes to us? My mom is one of those people and she’s always worried about what her asian friends will think of my brother and I. She always wants to impress them and doesn’t really care about our opinions when it comes to looks. But, she can’t just make new friends because of their attitudes and I hate that. Those kind of people are afraid of being kicked out of the group and they have petty excuses for it.
I still don’t know what the labels of the groups that I actually belong to are and I’m still trying to find my identity, but it gives me confidence that people actually want to be around me. I, too, have doubts about whether I belong in a group or not, but it should stop with confidence. Once you’re confident about yourself, you can do anything you want.
Do I feel the need to belong? Well of course. I feel as if everyone wants to belong in some way, shape, or form, in today’s society. Yeah, yeah, yeah, most people say they don’t but I wouldn’t believe that for a second. Putting on a tuff act of “I don’t care what anybody thinks of me,” yeah right. What most people don’t think about is that “the want to belong” isn’t just keeping up with the upmost fashion trends, or having 100+ text messages waiting for you every day. The want to belong, is the want to be accepted for who you are. Being yourself without ridicule or the urge to change yourself to fit in. Being accepted by your parents, family, friends and peers. This is the want to belong, and I want to belong. I want to be accepted for who I am. I’m that type of person that wants everyone to like them, and when someone doesn’t they don’t know why. But I’m also the type of person that if someone doesn’t like me for who I am, I could care less because I know plenty of people who do. I care what people think of me, but I don’t at the same time, if that makes sense.
ReplyDeleteThe kids that go to every party, do every sport, and are the “best” at everything? Do I think they feel like they belong? No I do not. These are the kids that hold the most unexpected secrets, I believe. The ones that reveal they’re not so perfect after all. Some of them aren’t much of a secret. These are the kids that can do it all, but some aren’t the best at being kind to others. Some of the most popular kids in the school are the meanest, I feel because they’re hiding their own pain. These are the kids I feel that if they didn’t keep up with their reputation they’d have no friends. That some of these kids don’t really have friends, just fake ones that are in it for the popularity. That if these kids would lose it all if they were their true selves. They belong with society, not themselves.
Where do I feel like I belong? In the band room, on stage, marching on the field, playing parades, performing in stadiums, etc. I feel like I belong in the Oakcrest Marching Ambassadors. Being in band sucks you in to this “family” that I couldn’t imagine being without. I feel at home in the band room because it basically is my home, I have more clothes there than I do in my closet. I’ve cried tears of joy, laughter and sorrow in that room. I’ve met me very best friends in band. You know how you’ll take an AP class and immediately feel like you’re the dumbest one there, because I know that feeling. When I’m in band I don’t feel that way, I see others struggle and I have the opportunity to help them because I know I can. Band is my passion and my future career. What does band do for me? It puts me on cloud nine. My self-esteem was never really low but having an amazing support system only gives it the chance to go up. I could try and try to picture my life without band or music, and it’s impossible.
Many people have the feeling to need to belong with everyone. I do not have this feeling and I am fine with the way I am. I don't need to go to school to fit in and be popular and get all the attention like some people do. I go to school so I can get an education and then go to college so I can have a career in the future. When you are in college no one is going to remember if you fit in or not in high school. Therefore, I don't care if people think I fit in or not. I don't really have a place where I belong besides when I'm at home or talking with my friends. At school I belong, but I don't try to act cool and try to get attention because I don't think it's necessary to try to belong like that. You can easily be yourself, and "belong" with a group of people that share your interests. It really isn't necessary to go out of your way to fit in because there will be people who accept you for who you are. I sometimes feel overlooked and undervalued in school, but there are people that really know me understand and who I am, so I don't let school and the people in it affect the way I feel about myself.
ReplyDeleteEven at the age of 16 I have always felt the urge to belong. I have always thought that if I didn't belong that I would be just the weird kid that no one cared about. That's why I have always tried to make my self fit in with others and join new activities to make new friends. Being in these activities and having many friends has always brought made me feel like I belong. When it comes to wanting to belong I believe that all of the popular kids definitely feel as though they belong. They have to go to parties and play almost every sport because without it he/she would be left alone while the rest of his/her friends would be having fun. Since I definitely feel the urge to belong I feel as though the one place I belong is right here Mays Landing. I know that sounds pretty cheesy but its true. I hate when people say Mays Landing is bad because it's their hometown. It includes the best school in the world and so many good people. Mays Landing makes me feel the urge to belong because of these reasons. This sense of belonging raises my self esteem because it makes me feel apart of something and I know I'm not alone in the end.
ReplyDeleteBelonging in a world is not something that you have control of. Everyone has a reason why they are here. And I believe that everyone on this plant belongs to something. I believe that I belong in the world, but I also think people that have committed mass murders too. Whether you belong here for good or not. The people that think that they are all that and deserve to have every girl and be in the spotlight of everything is ok. They belong to their own group. Whether You want to belong or not, you do belong to something. Whether you love to watch poker and play it, and other don’t agree with it is not their decision or yours. You belong to something not labeled by anybody. Not yourself, not your parents, not anyone. You belong to something whether you think you don’t or not. Because it's not your decision. I don’t think anyone should be undervalued or think they are undervalued because whether you or others don’t think you belong or are valuable to anything, you are. You will always be. You are on this earth for a reason. And you should not change yourself just to fit others descriptions given by people that undervalue your purpose. Living the life in solitary and loneliness or going out every night and trying to sleep with every single thing you see is something that you belong to and others can’t tell you you're not or how you feel.
ReplyDeleteIn my middle school days, I always had the desire to belong. But, selfishly, I didn't want to belong to just a single group. I wanted to belong to everyone. I wanted to be able to have friends everywhere I looked. I wanted to know that I had people on my side no matter what the situation. And with time, I managed to do that. But believe it or not, belonging to whoever I want to belong to whenever I feel like belonging to them, somehow makes me feel as though I don't belong anywhere. We live in a world that preaches about love and acceptance, but we come from a society that teaches us that we should respect other groups, but also belong to only one. We're supposed to stick to our own kind, and accept and appreciate that there are others among us. But in a room full of groups, separated and transfixed as parts of a whole, I float around.
ReplyDeleteHowever, this feeling of not belonging doesn't disappoint me the way that it would have when I was younger. Instead, I am actually quite content with where I stand. I never have to worry about having any problems with anyone. I never have to worry about who I'll sit with if one of my friends can't make it to the assembly. I never have to sit alone in gym because of who I have class with. I am one with all. And even though I don't belong to anyone, that's okay. That desire to belong faded a long time ago when I realized what kind of world we live in, and when I decided that I didn't want to belong to a world that's so fucked up anyway. I didn't want to be a part of the status quo, and I didn't want to live the life that I was supposed to live. I didn't want to belong. And so even though most would say that I do, I don't. And even though I don't, I'm comfortable belonging to myself.
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ReplyDeleteI believe that every human being feels the inherent need to belong, but at the same time every person has different ways of feeling that they belong. I’ve had a supporting family my whole life that has always made me feel like I belong. Regardless of the problems my family and I go through, we will always belong to each other. I have a sister and best friend that except me for the crazy mess that I am. Soccer also plays a big roll in my life, it is how I express myself. Stepping on the soccer field gives me the same feeling as stepping into my home. I established most of my confidence on life on the soccer field, it made me love myself and what I do. Since I was old enough to play, I knew that that is where I belonged.
ReplyDeleteNot everyone is fortunate enough to have a supporting family and supporting friends to make them feel like they belong. So Instead they use other things. The people that are considered popular are the usually the ones who don’t feel like they belong at home. They are usually so involved because they use other things to fill that spot in their life. No matter how independent and strong someone may be. We all need to feel like we belong in order to find true happiness in life.
I don’t believe I feel the need to belong. I don’t have any certain group of people I typically hang around or any group of people that I gravitate towards for any reason. For my first year in Middle School as a 7th grader, the closest friends I had made were of Spanish heritage. They would speak Spanish around me constantly or even in bits of confusion, they would speak Spanish to me, even though I can barely remember the basics. However, I would never say feel left out or that I didn’t belong amongst them. I would actually leave them to have their conversations, I would ask them what they had said if I felt the topic could have been interesting, or they would tell me what they had said if they wanted me to know. In eighth grade, I was all over the place so I never actually had a place. I would talk to those who were considered ‘nerds’ or unpopular, and I would talk to those who are considered ‘popular’. For all of freshman year, I never really had any strong friendships and there was only two people that I could have somewhat considered friends at the time. If it seemed like I could agree with someone on something then I would talk to them about it and we would either laugh or rant for a while and go our separate ways. My sophomore year I did make a few friends but I never felt inclined to laugh at what they said to keep them as friends or to do what they did.
ReplyDeleteLooking at that Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs pyramid, those who are popular might feel a sense of satisfaction with where they are and that is why they could believe they belong. Even if they don’t actually find what someone said was funny or cool, they hold in how they feel for security. Where they are is a safe place to be.
I don’t feel like I belong somewhere because the places that are available to me are places I simply do not wish to be forever. I do love my family and I get along very well with some of them, but most of the time I like to stay in my room alone even though they will be doing something together. One day, I could hear loud burst of laughter coming from downstairs. They were sharing funny things that had happened to them recently. I just kept on reading my book peacefully on my bed. In school I great friends, but I there are so many other places I could be in the world. I don’t actually feel like I am missing anything that has to do with belonging somewhere. I don’t have all that much self-esteem, but even if I tried to or did belong somewhere, I don’t believe that would change my self-esteem.
My whole life I've never felt the need to fit in anywhere, but then again I was used to it because I've never had a group to go to. I've never fit in anywhere and I'm okay with that. Growing up I was the one taller than everyone and I stood out so a lot of kids didn't really accept me (judgmental little bastards.). I just got used being the odd one out so, starting at a young age I never felt the need to be in a clique. If I'm being honest, every popular person I know of are exactly the same. They all talk shit on each other behind their backs but pretend to be best friends, they all go to the same dumb bonfires, they all act the same. They totally feel like they belong in the group they're in because they are all the same person. Me not feeling the need to fit in anywhere makes me feel good about myself because I don't think I need to change for anyone and the only person I need to fit in with is myself. I don't really know why I don't belong anywhere, i think it's just because now I separate myself from friend groups because there is ALWAYS DRAMA. I like to keep life simple and anytime I've ever tried to include myself in another group's conversation it's always about some drama that actually kills my brain cells just listening to it. I do think that because I'm sometimes quite and I'm not super outgoing that I am overlooked and people assume that I'm a boring person and they don't give me the time of day. I don't feel like I don't belong, I just think I have yet to find a good group of people who are willing to value me as a person which just shows that I think highly of myself enough to have expectations. My self esteem is high enough to not settle for some asshole friends and force myself to feel like I belong.. I'm pretty happy being a loner because I don't really have anyone to worry about and right now, I'm the only person I need to be worrying about.
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ReplyDeleteAt this age, I believe that everyone feels the need to belong somewhere, but you don’t have to. As a teenager, nobody would like the feeling of being out of place. Personally, I don’t think I belong anywhere. I belong where I am now, and that is to myself. I like to just be cordial with everyone. I don’t think I should have to be with someone 24/7 just to be able to speak to them. Belonging with a certain crowd of people never worked for me. It always happens to have some type of bad outcome at the end of it all. I feel like the problem Is everyone is so pressed on being a part of something, or known as being that girl or boy who hangs with “this group” or “that group” of people. A lot of times, teenagers don’t act themselves just so they can fit in with those certain groups of people and I think that’s extremely corny.
ReplyDeleteI personally find myself better alone. I do have a couple of friends and I do talk to people anyone but it was never a point where I belonged in a certain group. I have grown out of that and I found myself better being more independent. I think it’s extremely sad how things like, not fitting in can ruin a person’s self-esteem. No one is special to me and I would never change who I am to fit in.
I belong in, my family, where no one judges me and they’re always around to support everything I do (The positive things). My family are the only people who support me and motivate me to do better in life.
(I just wrote this whole blog and my computer shut down before I posted it so if this is bad thats why)
ReplyDeleteI'm not sure how I feel about whether or not everyone has a place because I feel as though thats sort of for them to determine. You can't tell someone they fit in somewhere if they don't feel like they fit in there. Obviously everyone feels the need to 'belong' and honestly it can be kinda lonely if you don't. I always found my strategy to be- become an ally to all the different friend groups but never get too close to one. This seemed to work for me and I thought its what everyone did until I found the people I fit in with. They just all happened to be older than me. Maybe I'm mature for my age, my mom has always said I was but I never thought too much about it till all my friends graduated and I realized I wasn't friends with the people my age. These were people who I actually felt normal around, they are the people who love you for who you are and wouldn't really want you any other way. The first person (and only) I ever found that I clicked with was Laiba. I know I talk about her a lot but she means so much to me. She made me realize that there was someone out there just like me. I think there is someone out there for everyone to click with, some people just might have a harder time finding them. There are people who are considered the popular people but to me they aren't popular. I honestly think they are struggling to find themselves. They are popular because they follow what everyone else does. They do not feel as though they belong anywhere, I mean how can you if you're just copying other people? I can only speak for myself but I know I kinda lost my place where I belong, I'm sure I'll find it again but if anyone else is trying to find their way maybe we can find our ways together in the mean time.
This is something I think about often. I do believe we all have the desire to “fit in”, even though half those people above me say they don’t. No one wants to be an outcast. No one wants to be alone, and if you think you don’t, you are lying to yourself. It is the reason people join gangs. Think about it, would you really want to live by yourself for the rest of your life? In various stories, all the outcasts, all those who never fit in, they were never happy. They just needed one friend to help them out, and the greater amount of friends, the more secure they became, and that sadness generally left them. I believe those popular kids do feel like they belong, or they are trying to make an effort to belong. I spent the majority of my life at Pilgrim, and that will always be home. You tend to become really close with the people around you when you spend eight years together in the same class. However, this did not stop me from making myself comfortable here at Oakcrest. I probably will never have the extended reach of friends as the kids who went to Davies, but I have enough friends that allow me to enjoy myself (As long as they are not crippled, because I like fruits, not vegetables). I would not act the way I do if I were not comfortable with my social situation. I make a lot of jokes, and sometimes (very rarely) can be obnoxious. It’s all good though because I don’t care what the haters say, they’re all just jealous of my swagger.
ReplyDeleteI personally feel the need to belong in order to be comfortable in the things I do. For example, at Oakcrest, I think all students who are involved in sports or clubs, feel they belong. These types of things make people have a sense of comfort knowing that they fit in with people who have the same interests as them. I feel I belong with my family, friends, and my soccer team because they make me feel relaxed and comforted. On the other hand, I don’t feel the need to fit in with people by changing the things I wear or the way act. There is no need to change the way you are to blend in with people. People who are considered popular probably feel like they belong because of how everyone knows who they are. But some people get too carried away with being “popular”. They focus too much on the idea and don’t focus on what’s really around them. I’m currently very happy with how my life is going and who I belong with. Everything that I’m involved in and everyone who I associate myself with, allows me to feel like I belong.
ReplyDeleteThroughout my whole life, I was misplaced, and I never belonged. I'm always over looked in everything I do. I was the smaller than every other kid growing up, so I was always overlooked in sports, when really I was better than 90% of the kids matched up against me. I still have this issue. Recently, I tried out for team Maryland lacrosse. I was put on the B team, not the A team. However, after 2 practices and a prospect day, the head coach asked me to commit to the college he coaches at. No other player, on the A team or B team, was asked to do so. For basketball, I was the small white kid that according to stereotypes, was either really bad, or could only shoot the ball. They don't know I was getting varsity minutes as a sophomore, and accelerating by most kids my age. I was always overlooked physically, and never belonged with my teammates in a physical manner. In school, people misinterpret my laid back, non stressed attitude towards education as stupidity or a weakness. They don't realize I don't care about my grades, but rather the information I'm gathering. I learn and think different than most people. I could get straight F's, but as long as I learned and understood more than I had prior to my education, I'm satisfied. That's rare to find in today's society. I don't fit in. In a lot of ways, when you feel the need to fit in and belong, you lose opportunities to stand out. Think of the movie "Pursuit of Happyness" with Will Smith. When he was competing to be a stock broker, everyone around him was rich, educated, programmed, and orderly. Will Smiths character was poor, learned from experiences, and finessed his way into the stock business with a Rubik's cube and paint splattered clothes. He stood out. He didn't belong in that branch of work. Yet he stood out and excelled. Having a sense of belonging is important, but its also important you don't to obsessed with that thought that you have to be like everyone else. What makes you, you, isn't what you belong to, it's what belongs to you.
ReplyDeleteEveryone feels the need to belong. They want to find their groove and their place in this world. Even those who wish to be lone soldiers want to know that they fit in in with the other lone soldiers. The desire to belong and be wanted is one of the biggest problems in society. The lack of feeling this way leads to depression, and in the world we live in today we see it more and more, kids feeling that they don’t belong on this earth and that there is no one that loves them. It is so sad! Just because you may not be surrounded by those like you doesn’t mean you don't belong! There is millions of humans on this earth, there is a nooch and clique for everyone. Especially in high school, kids feel the need to be something they are not to fit in with a select crowd so they can call it their own. You see that commonly with “populars” especially, considering all any high schooler wants is to be popular; so putting on a show to become something you wish you were is a small price to pay, until it catches up with you. One day you'll wake up and realize you're living a lie. Rather than being who you truly are, you've put on this giant mask to appear as something you're not. Just because someone may seem happy doesn’t mean they are. The most happy on the outside could be the saddest on the inside, they may hate who they are and that is why they try to appear as something they are not. Just because they go to parties and are captains of their sports teams doesn’t mean crap. On the inside they could hate the way they live. You can blame this on the way hollywood portrays the “cool kids” or even the way you were brought up. Your parents have a serious impact on who you are and may try to alter that just for their own benefit. Those star athletes may hate sports they play and just want to sit at home all day and play World of Warcraft. YOU NEVER KNOW… Everyone belongs somewhere and it is our choice to either accept it or try to hide it. Me, I belong wherever you see me, I try to not let others influence my life. Of course I am in highschooler and their will always be a little bit that I may try to perceive as my genuine self that isn’t necessarily true, but for the most part where you see me at school, after school or on weekends is where I feel I belong. Self esteem is everything so having that comfortability and confidence that you are where you truly belong is the key to being proud of who you are and happiness. Try not to let the ways of this world dictate the way you live your life.
ReplyDeleteAt the current age of 16, I can honestly say that I don't feel the need to belong. I phrase that very carefully because when I was younger I used to think that I needed to belong. Now, although, I realize that I stopped caring about belonging. Everyone is a little different in their own way and "belonging" is a very subjective thing. I may think that I "belong" somewhere but another person may think different. An example might be the popular kids. I may think that they all belong with each other in their clique of other popular people, but deep inside maybe they all just want to get away from each other. Maybe they are all completely different on the down low. I mean personally, I think that they feel as though they belong, but that might not be the case. With all of that said, even though I said I don't feel like I need to belong, I think there is a place where I do belong. I think I belong with the friends I have now. At the age of 16 I think I'm old enough to judge where I should be and who I should associate myself with and I feel as though right now I belong. I feel this way because I know who I am and I know what I need to continue to thrive as a human being and right now, I feel like I'm getting all those things. This sense of belonging makes me very comfortable, it makes me feel secure, and it definitely makes me feel much more confident about myself. The places where I don't feel like I belong are probably most parties. I'm not one to get crazy and dance so I don't think that would be my kind of environment. I like serenity and that would be what's missing. It has nothing to do with being misunderstood, undervalued, or overlooked, I just don't "fit" or "belong." Not feeling like I belong honestly doesn't do much to my self-esteem. Frankly. I don't care at all if I don't belong. I live my life individually and if you're with me, then great, but if I don't "belong" with you, then nice. I know most teenagers just want to belong but personally, I couldn't care less if I didn't belong somewhere.
ReplyDeleteI haven’t felt the need to belong somewhere yet but I do know I belong somewhere. Does that make sense? I’ve always did things the way I wanted to; I march to the beat of my own drum. When I do things the way I want to do them, I find a new piece of myself and one day I will find out where I belong in this world. I’ll probably do this nonsense until I truly find where I belong. Knowing me, it’ll probably take a while but I’m willing to take my time.
ReplyDeleteThe popular kids are popular for a reason. They stick out, they’re different from everyone else. They have this hierarchy approach in high school that they need to be the best all around student: involved in every club humanly possible, straight A’s, three season athlete, volunteers at the nursing home. They’re the epitome of perfect. But with all that going on, the popular kid might feel left out because there is so much going on. They don’t take the time to chill the heck out and say “Wow I love life. It’s so relaxing.” That’s just my assumption.
When I’m with the people that care about me (friends, crush, family etc.) I feel great. I’m my happy, bubbly, carefree self and my self-esteem is amazing. However, when I don’t feel comfortable I want to abort the mission and get away from the situation as soon as possible. For example: when I’m with Lena I feel fine and like I belong but when I’m with someone who I don’t necessarily know, I feel like I should be forcing something and I don’t like that so automatically I feel like I don’t belong in that situation. I also overlook a lot of things in the negative column and start to overthink. It doesn’t feel good to be in a situation where you feel like you don’t belong because then I start to overthink things and when I overthink I get sad/angry/worked up.
There are many cliques in school. Not groups seen in movies of high school life, but groups of a couple of friends who talk to each other a lot more than they would do with other friends. The bond of friendship has many layers with deeper layers having a stronger bond than the lighter ones. No one wants to be alone. There might be some exceptions however, most people would want to have friends or, in a lighter sense, someone to talk to. They need to find a meaning in their life in which they feel like they belong for a reason whether it being for a person or themselves. No one wants to be alone and no one wants to feel like they are a waste of space. I don’t want to feel left out so I too want to “belong”. I don’t “feel” the need to belong because friends aren’t there all the time nor are family, some family members or friends. You can only trust yourself. Party animals, sport players, club members all feel like they belong to the respective group because they are part of a team where they a can contribute something. I am only obligated to feel belonging to myself and my cousins and brother and some friends. Reason being is that I feel obligated to use my life for the better, my cousins and brother since I am third or something eldest, and for certain friends who helped me feel accomplished. With this sensation of belonging, I feel like I am doing good with my life.
ReplyDeleteI honestly don't feel the need to belong anywhere. However, I feel like I just fit in with everyone because of my social skills. I'm just good at talking to people I guess; and that makes me a lot of friends. I don't want to say that I'm popular, but I know so many people, and I have friends in just about every friend group. So, I guess that affiliates me with all of the friend groups. But, if I'm in every friend group, am I really unique or just really generic?
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ReplyDeletePeople around the age of 16 or 17 do have the feeling of needing to belong somewhere even people like me. Everyone at some point in their lives have always wanted to fit with their peers or clique. In my psychology class, this is a stage/ development for adolescents in life. According to Erik Erikson it is known as the Social Development. The reason being is because teenagers whom are transitioning between childhood and adulthood are looking for or discovering their own role in life. This why we tend to develop or join cliques which may severe many purposes like closeness, identity, increased self-confidence, a sense of independence etc. My purpose of needing to belong was to create close bonds, friends, memories etc. Basically expanding a friend group instead of your family’s. You already know your parents from the day you were born, you will always be together with them and it’s not like you had to join the family because you are already in it. The need to belong is the feeling of independence and discovering your own personality. Another reasoning is to be the top of the crop aka hierarchy. They want to be well known, popular, multiple connections, the center of everything etc. This may matter to others to boost their reputation or not because it’s kind of pathetic. Either way it depends on the individual. This whole scenario is basically stereotypical why because there are cliques people feel they are destined to be with like the jocks, the cheerleaders, geniuses, nerds, weirdos, the ghettos, the athletes etc. (You get the point).The most popular people I can imagine like the ones who are in every club, do every sport, go to every party are just testing where they fit it. I feel like it’s a way for them to connect with people and discover the perfect clique for them. Regarding where I belong, it’s a mystery to me. I’ve basically adapted to every kind of clique there is. I guess you could say my reasoning was to just connect with everyone and be everyone's friend. Being friends with different cliques back and forth without a permanent group has its good and bad. But it helps me understand everyone better and later on in the future I will be able to connect with those people easily and navigate life swiftly like a leaf in a river. People may have a different opinion but connecting with different cliques can help you with your social skills in life. The easier the better.
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DeleteFeeling the need to belong is usually something that a person worries about when they're bored, a little lonely, and have nothing else to think about or do. This is true (mostly in our society) because our education and social culture wound up leading us to this thought process through its years of development. I'm sure that to someone somewhere else, feeling the need to belong is the most ridiculous sounding idea because survival and other essentials are more important (or maybe even just because it is kind of generally ridiculous). Think about this from a bystander's point of view; people are so concerned with how they are in social standing with other people that they tear themselves up emotionally about it. What is the point? There really isn't one, it's just a stupid mentality thing. As for the "most popular people" that I can imagine, I personally and wholeheartedly think they could care less about the thought of belonging because they're busy living their life day by day with their own issues. As for myself, I believe that I belong anywhere I am (unless its surrounded by degenerates, aka my bus). If I was not comfortable left to my own devices, how stable of a person would I be? Ultimately, I believe that it's good to be able to be independent and be able to find comfort with friends, however I do not believe that all the comfort that you have should be based on other people and their lives/thoughts.
ReplyDeleteEveryone will eventually or may have already experienced the feeling of wanting to fit in whether it is a clique, family, or friends. I believe that everyone will have this nagging feeling of wanting to fit in whether they want it or not. Even if that one person wants to be alone, they would soon get the feeling of wanting to belong within society. This is relatable to my social life over the past five years of my life, where during the first few years, around seventh grade, I had tried to isolate myself because I did not want to socialize with the many new classmates that I had gotten. I was used to getting basically the same class in the school years prior to that, and my only friends were the ones that I knew for a long time. By the time I got put in the same class as the seventh grade one in eighth grade, I realized that I was wasting a whole year, not socializing or doing anything fun, I was just worrying about studying which I can place some of the blame on my parents for making me think this way due to their strict rules against socializing. I wanted to belong with the others since I was not part of any certain group in the first place.
ReplyDeleteI do agree that wanting to belong and feeling that you do belong are two completely different things. With wanting to belong, you try to fit into a group. And with feeling that they belong means that you are comfortable with being yourself in front of that group and not be afraid to come out to them as themselves. I believe that some of the “popular” people who go to parties every week feel like that they belong to that group, but there is always that little portion of the people who try to fit in when they really don’t. They try to follow the popularity rules that makes a person “popular” in that society, completely effacing their original personality.
I believe that I fit in best with my group of friends who I talk to almost everyday at school. With my friends, I do not have to suppress certain traits about myself which I do in front of other people, including most of my family members. Whenever I am with my friends, my self-esteem with myself and confidence is boosted by a lot and I do not have to worry about being judged or hated. With other people, I am overlooked by many, only known as the person who has very high grades. But being known as someone who is “smart” is annoying when other people randomly come up to me and give me special treatment and say that I am their “best friend” for no good reason; I barely know those people. Same with my family (besides Justin and Scott), they just praise me for my high grades. But with my friends, they do not give me the special treatment that most strangers give me because they know what kind of person I am. It’s why I can easily fit in with them.
I think everyone thinks they should belong a whole. That we should conform to society and be like everyone. TO move away from being an individual but rather apart of a group. Society makes us feel like out cast if we aren’t like everyone. Where in reality we should take pride in our self and belong within rather to everyone else expectations. BEING DIFFERENT IS NORMAL TO BELIEVE IT OR NOT. We are not the same. We are all given different gifts in life and its our job to find that gift and capture it. And in the process we will feel as if we belong because we are using our gift that was given to us. So there are really only two options in life. A) Build your own dream and belong as an individual or B) Help someone else build their dream because you wish to belong as a group as your gift becomes a life that could of been. Where do I fall? I feel as if I belong as an individual. I try not to conform to the majority or what is popular. I try to listen to my heart and just do me. Do what I think is right, do what I want, do what I think makes me who I believe I am. Everything I am doing with myself is because of my own self interests, not of what everyone else does. Do I like to be alone? Of course not. I have plenty of friends that I hang out with and talk with, who have a similar out look. But I don’t believe I do this to in. I do it to surround my self with positive mines to help me push forward and to do the same for them. My sense of belonging with myself makes me not care for those who wish to judge me. It makes me secure with myself and not question my every move to satisfy society. Whereas I believe the most insecure people are the people trying to belong in a group because they are continuously trying to satisfy the group and how the group does things rather than yourself. So all in all, I feel great to be honest.
ReplyDeleteI can remember my house from when I was younger. In the back of a normal rural neighborhood, with a huge backyard as well as a room I could always go into to play games or watch TV. It may not have been the perfect house but it I always remember it as my childhood house. I will never call it my home, anymore at least, because it takes more than the house to be a home. A home to me always centers around family, and not just blood family. Anyone you hold a close relationship with can be your family, and without those people you the atmosphere is just not right no matter where you go. While I don’t have a specific place per say that would make me feel like I belong I do know that whatever happens in life I can come home to my family. When it comes to feeling the need to belong I would say that it really isn’t of much importance to me. I don’t feel like I have to belong, that I’m comfortable with who I am and no one can change that. The only place that you truly need to belong in life is in your mind, it doesn’t matter that anyone else accepts you for who you are without accepting yourself first. If you don't like who I am that’s fine, if that’s the case then we really shouldn’t be talking with one another. If can’t accept yourself it becomes more tiresome, the only person you will ever be with your entire life is yourself so you better start to get along. You can tell how a person feels about belonging by judging their relationships with other people. If you can sit around with a couple close friends and have a go time then you probably either feel you belong or don’t feel pressured to belong which is great. On the other hand, if you see someone always surrounding themselves with people they don’t usually get along with or don’t connect with then maybe those friends aren’t there to be friends but instead to give the impression of friends. Someone like this does feel like they need to but don’t belong. People like these I pity because while I’m out enjoying my life they let others enjoy their life for them.
ReplyDeleteWhether it’s proving great SAT scores and GPAs to prove colleges that we are worthy to get in, or the pressure of our own parents for us to accomplish what they did not, we always feel the need to impress people to belong in a certain place.
ReplyDeleteFor the longest time of my life whether it was constantly moving from place to place or being different because of my interests, looks, and culture, I have struggled with fitting in or feeling I belong. The fact that I was a very introverted person made matters even worse, and I always tried to comply to certain standards at school to feel accepted. I excessively worried that my differences would cause people to dislike me, or I feared that others would negatively talk about me behind my back (fake friends is even a better term for it).
Even now as I reflect, I do not have only one set of friends. I am friendly with various people who talk and relate to me at the moment. However, I am closer with others who I know very well (they know who they are), so those people will know me better. Although I talk to different people, I have always felt left out. For instance, I would dread group or partner assignments because though I would talk to these people, I'd always be in the position where everyone has their friends circle to work with, and I would be the one in the end working alone to not interfere with them when most would not really consider working with me. I often felt ignored and invisible, and wished to say something when I could not.
I also have dealt with self-esteem issues, many which resulted from issues such as the time period where I was bullied, or when I felt that no one could understand or relate to me. In short, I was torn, so torn that I developed depression. Eventually, I realized that in order to deal with this, you must accept yourself. I realized that in ten years or so from now, I probably will not see all the familiar faces I see everyday in school, and if someone tries to be negative, I should not waste time trying to prove them wrong but instead work hard at my interests for my future which does matter. Now, I can say that despite having bad days, I ultimately remind myself of my purpose, my family, close friends, and goals to realize that I do want to belong, but not belong to force myself to conform to the latest trends to what everyone else does for feeling great and accepted.
As for the popular kids, I feel it can go both ways. I know popular people who just seek attention and strive to be known and do everything cool these days with 1,000 plus Instagram, twitter, or snap-chat followers, and on the flip side, I know others who naturally have the character to attract many people. It is not known, however, if they feel they belong unless you actually acquaint with them. Honestly, it depends on who their friends are. If they are people who always mention others in gossip, then maybe they are not the right friends for them.
If you’re reading this, you’re either my close friend who wants to read my blog (hi), a peer who just chose to read this for whatever reason, or Ms. Bunje. So, if you’re my friend, you probably know this or would probably expect me to write this. And if you’re either of the latter- Hi I’m Brittany, and if you never read any of my previous blogs or know nothing about me, then I’m pretty much an open book. Now with that being said, the answer to this blog is yes. Yes, I do want to belong, I do want to fit in, and I do want to have that comfort whether it’s a place or with people.
ReplyDeleteNow let me elaborate. No, I don’t want to be popular, or have a giant friend group, or feel like I’m the same person as someone else. I believe that from where I am right now in my life, I’m happy. It’s been a long time coming, but I feel like I have established the connections I need with the right people, and I couldn’t be happier at this point in my life. I truly know who my friends are, however, I don’t want to define my friendships as “fitting in”, but more of- we balance out each other well. All my friends have distinct qualities that make us all different, but we have similar interests, beliefs, and personalities. And I believe that’s what makes people have that “belonging” feeling. When you surround yourself with the right people at the right time in your life. And you shouldn’t change yourself or mold yourself to be comfortable around certain people. You’ll know who the right people are, and the people who you just connect with naturally.
Furthermore, when I think about this belonging feeling some more, and going deeper into my thoughts (feel free to stop reading now because I’m just rambling on and getting my feelings out), there’s something inside of me that feels like I NEED to belong. And like I previously stated, not belonging as popular, but belonging as in you are in the right place in life. According to my calculations, 100% of the people that I’ve ever met described me as sensitive. And they are true. I hate the feeling of being lonely even when I’m surrounded by people. Because I need the people that I know who actually care about me. And I don’t mean I need to talk to them 24/7, but just to know that they are there in my life whenever I need them. Whether it’s to have a good laugh, or to cry about my first world problems to. It’s good to be your own person and to know how to live independently, but it’s very reassuring to know in the back of your mind, that you have people you can trust and that are there for you in case you fall or if you’re stuck at an obstacle in life.
Even though I'm only 16 I've been to lots of places. I was born in Philly and lived there for 4 years. After that I went to Seattle for 10 months. Following that I went back to Philly until I was 7 and then moved to where I am now. The Land. ML. I've had a few vacations too. Considering I've been to Asia on multiple occasions and lived in South Korea, China and Vietnam, I guess you can say I've had my fair share of time in Southeast Asia. But among all these places, I don't think I've ever really wanted to be there. I've never had an immediate rush of emotions that inclined me to stay and never leave. The only times I've experienced anything remotely close to this was when I was in South Korea for K-Pop and Vietnam for my family. But I still didn't belong there. I probably didn't belong in South Korea because I barely know the language. But although I'm fluent in Vietnamese, the environment is foreign. Inside of these places, I always felt the need to belong. At times I've walked into a place and thought to myself, "Wow. I belong here." Usually these places are filled with Asians. Nevertheless, I still wanted to fit in.
ReplyDeleteI don't do sports unless you consider marching band one (and maybe tennis but I got time still. I've joined several clubs. And I had an "Asian Outing" on Halloween. I'm not an antisocial freak but I'm not a go getter either. Those who do year round sports and are in 20 clubs and go to parties every other day probably fit in those environments. The only reason I say this is because you have a choice to do that. If I didn't belong in a sport or activity, I would've quit or never would've signed up in the first place. If I didn't think I belong at a party I would have gone home or wouldn't have gone in the first place. Do you get the message I'm trying to convey?
Before I've always felt like I've belonged at band and mock trial. Especially the latter. Last year I had so much fun in both but I can't say the same about it for this year. I absolutely love marching band but it's not the same. The people are different and the program itself has changed. As much as I love mock trial, it's been hard for me to be in the same mood for it. So many people graduated last year and so many of those people were my friends. It's mostly my fault though. I haven't initiative and actually talked to some of the newer people and linger over the past. When I don't feel like I belong I tend to become antisocial. I tend to be cautious of my surroundings and worry about every word I say. I also don't speak anywhere near as much as I'm supposed to do unless I summon enough courage. But then again I'm still at the tender age of 16. Hopefully I've got another 64 (or 84 depending on how good my genes are) years left in me. If I do the math correctly I still have 80% of my life to live. I have 80% of my life to find out where I belong or don't. Let's just hope it's before I'm 40.
As a growing individual I feel as if though everyone should feel the inherent need to belong because if you feel though as you don't belong anywhere or with anyone what kind of life is that? In life people do all different kinds of things, I mean that's what you’re supposed to do for an ideal of a good life and good living but sometimes people are forced into doing things that they don't want to do like certain clubs, sports, or even go to parties so if you’re some what forced into doing one of those you really aren't going to feel as “you belong” because you don't want to belong there. So with the feeling of inherent to belong if you want to be there you'll have a more likely chance of feeling like you fit in and belong where you're at. Honestly I feel as if I can belong anywhere because of the way my personality is, like from time to time I can be annoying or rude but for the most I’m a loving person and I think that's what helps me feel as if I belong wherever I am at during that specific time. The sense of belonging I have for my self-esteem is very high, because if you don't have a self-esteem you don't have anything. I don't care what anyone says because if you don't have confidence in yourself and what you're doing what makes you think that the next man or women would have respect for you and I think that all ties in with self-esteem.
ReplyDeleteI don't feel like I belong in any particular group or place because I like to think of myself as my own person. Now athletic or academic teams are different because there you can still be yourself and also be around others similar to you. But that doesn't necessarily mean that you belong somewhere. I don't belong in any group because I don't want to follow someone else's path I want to follow my own path. Having a sense of belonging is normal to some people but not to me because then I'll rely on others more and I'll become weaker. Rather than just relying on me, myself, and I and pushing through the tough times by myself. Honestly I don't need to belong anywhere. But that doesn't mean I'm judging others that want a feeling of belonging. Some people like belonging because you find people like them. But I'd rather be unique in my own way and not feel like I have to fit in with anyone.
ReplyDeleteNow there's some people with the attitude of not belonging but wanting other people to be like them. Those are self-centered people that just want attention. Sometimes those types of people want others to be like them because they don't belong anywhere. There's also types of people that don't feel like they belong at home so they spend their days at other places such as a friend's house, school, or fields. Having a sense of belonging isn't a bad thing I just don't have that sense of belonging.
Everyone has a need to fit in. No one wants to be left out. When you were a kid you hated when you weren't invited some where. I don't feel as i need others to make me happy, i'm sane and contempt with myself. I don't feel as if i have friends though. I have people i talk to in school or aquantences that i talk to. I can fit in with any group of people. I've been through a lot in my life and have many different personalities but all of them are me. I don't believe in "popularity." I don't believe in it because everyone has a group of friends that they hang with. They are popular within that group but not through others eyes. Popularity is a point of view. Those "popular" kids may have a lot more going on in their life's that they don't want others to see. I have a sense of belonging anywhere I am. As long as i have myself, or jess. Jess is my sense on belonging or my "home." She's everything i need and my better half. She's my sense of belonging
ReplyDeleteEveryone is unique in their own ways, so I don’t necessarily believe that everyone belongs to their own particular group. That includes myself. I have always been one for being my own person and not being dependent on anything or anyone. Some people do feel the need to “belong” because if they feel like they aren’t belonging to some particular group them they aren’t fitting in, and everyone wants to fit in, especially in high school. As for myself I have never felt the need to “belong” and that’s just the kind of person I am. I am confident in myself to be my own person. Sure I believe that people get along better with certain people, but I wouldn’t say they belong with that person. Sometimes I feel bad for the people that feel the need to fit in because it’s almost as if they don’t have enough self esteem in themselves. They feel like if they aren’t fitting in the the most popular people in school, then they aren’t popular, or known, or likeable; even if they may be.
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