I am a Robert Greene fan. If you have no idea who that is, look him up here: https://www.theguardian.com/books/2012/dec/03/robert-greene-48-laws-of-power
That book he talks about? I have that one. And 4 of his others. People's opinions of him vary--some think he is a psychopath, some credit him as being the most brilliant strategists since Sun Tsu. Both are extreme impressions and I dislike eveything about extremism, so it is unlikely any of these reviews sway my opinion of the man. But, he's a smart guy and he gets people. So, he makes my list of influential authors. In many ways, we are very like-minded, Greene and I. We share many of the same opinions on people, on relationships, on power and the power of power.
I guess his outlook could best be described as pessimistically real. So, I suppose that makes him a pessimistic realist.
The following quote may be a tangible example of that theory:
"Niceness is a decision. It is a strategy of social interaction; it is not a character trait." --Robert Greene
So, dive right in. Forget about what anyone will think or say. Be as honest as you can when you consider and answer the question: Is Robert Greene correct about his assertion regarding niceness?
Include explanations, examples, proof etc.
ReplyDeleteRobert Greene is a very intelligent man that makes a credible point. That niceness isn't a character trait it's just a tool we utilize to get towards people or to get what we want. Have you heard a really fake person say something real? Same, concept realness is often just something people exercise when they choose to. A character trait is something that person always does. It's practically instinctive if a person personality had DNA it would be in their genetic makeup. Are you always nice? If you're thinking in your head “YES!” Then, you're lying we can't label people based off being nice or mean. Because, even people who are viewed as, mean because of their actions but, that doesn't necessarily mean overly they are a mean.
For instance, physiologist have done studies on how more physically attractive people are treated nicer in society. If you see someone you don't seen their personality you see what they look like. Then, you formulate an opinion first based off of that. Which determines how you will treat them if you'll be nice or mean. Ultimately, you make the choice of being nice to someone. Your niceness isn't something that carried out with you your entire day or with every person that you meet. Just like how girls often fall victim to the guy that treats you like a princess or the best thing since slice bread when he meets you. But, once he gets you he just beings to treat you like shit! That niceness that you thought was apart of that guy's character. Was just temporarily used to get what he wanted. Once, he see's that he no longer needs it to keep you he won't be as nice to you. Not all guys but, every female has fallen victim to the “NICE GUY,” so, nice that it just seems too good to be true. It often is take pro-causation ladies. Even a total jerk could say something nice.
Also, how nice you are to someone just measures how nice you want that person to be in return. Niceness is just something we turn off and on like a light switch. It's the same thing with meaness the world would be a better place if niceness was a character trait. Instead of just a temporary social skill often used to get what or who you want.
ReplyDeletePersonally, I have always been a firm believer that being nice is a choice, not a trait. Every single person on this earth is perfectly capable of exhibiting niceness; it’s just a matter of whether they want to or not. We are all able to figure out what is acceptable and what’s not acceptable, and what’s “nice” and what’s not “nice”. With the understanding of the fact that some people may have not grown up as disciplined, well taught children, I still believe that being nice is something that is very controllable. Sure, maybe some of us weren’t punished for misbehaving and being anything but nice in our adolescence, but that doesn't justify why some may not be nice as adults. We were all enrolled in schools that taught us the basic manners and proper behavior, so if we didn’t learn how to be nice at home, then we definitely had the opportunity to learn at school. With that being said, Robert Greene is correct about his assertion regarding niceness. Niceness is in fact a decision, not a character trait.
An example of this would be, lets say, holding the door open for someone. This kind act clearly could be performed as easily as it couldn’t be performed, and those that do hold doors open for others are CHOOSING to be nice, whereas those that don’t hold doors open for others are CHOOSING to not do something nice. This concept applies to several other voluntary actions that demonstrate niceness coming from a choice, not a trait.
In my own personal experiences, I have chosen to be nice. I choose to be nice often, quite frankly because I always feel bad when I choose to be mean. I think that the fact that I always choose to be nice tends to be mistaken with my niceness coming from just my regular personality. In other words, people look past the fact that I try hard to be nice, and they automatically assume I’m a nice person. Although that is the case, although I am a nice person, it’s not because I have neurons in my body with cute little smiley faces on them that don’t know how to be anything other than nice. It’s because I genuinely try to be nice, and I am very good at it. If people put the same amount of effort into being nice as I do, and if they chose to be nice as often as I do, then the world will be a much nicer place. But instead people are taking the easy route out, without actually trying, and that’s why this place has more mean people than nice people; because people aren’t choosing to be nice.
I think Robert Greene has a good point here. I agree with him when he says that niceness is a decision instead of it being a trait. If niceness was a trait, then you would be nice all the time, which, to be frank, is nearly impossible to do. Being nice to someone is a moral choice. You choose to be nice to people. Sure, it might be automatic for some people, but you can't keep it up forever. There's just too many situations that life could throw at you that would derail your niceness and turn you sour. Height, for example, is a trait. You can't compare height and niceness and say that both are traits. One is permanent (hopefully), while the other is temporary.
ReplyDeleteAn example would be tutoring. Let's say you have to tutor someone who doesn't exactly understand everything the first time through. You could chose to be nice and continue to help them, or be a complete ass and give up. It's your choice.
It's all about first impressions. When you meet someone for the first time, you would choose to be nice because you don't want to start off on the wrong foot with them. Sure, you could choose to be rude, but that wouldn't be much help to you. Examples of this include job interviews, meeting business partners, your friends' parents, your significant other and their parents, etc.
While I believe that some people are just naturally born with a “good heart,” niceness comes from the environment around you. Agreeing with Robert Greene, niceness is a decision. The way you are raised has a tremendous thing to do with your personality and attitude, as well as your outlook on life. It's kind of like how people look at New Jersey as a state full of rude people, as opposed to down south like Texas. It is natural for humans to engage in the attitude that is taking place around them. I believe if you were to have a kid and keep that kid inside your house for years straight, only exposing it to “good” people, it is expected the kid will learn from that and continue life with a nice attitude. However, if you throw a kid into a bad part of the world filled with cruelty and disrespect, it can be expected that the kid will grow up without being nice. I guess what I am trying to say is that you are sculpted from what is around you, specifically your family. Even if you go to school and learn how to treat people, at the end of the day you still go back to your family; your family that doesn't make kindness a priority. Yeah, sure, there are people who genuinely try to be nice no matter how shitty the world around them is or how poorly they were disciplined growing up. But, it still goes back to the fact that being around a negative environment is what creates negative attitudes.
ReplyDeleteAn example of this is a drive-thru food chain. Occasionally, the car in front of you will pay for your food with no specific reason, just a gesture of kindness. No one forced the person in the car to do this, they just felt like accomplishing a good deed. It is likely that someone who has no respect for people and could care less about being nice would not even think to do this for someone. Being nice is a choice- a choice that seems unclear when you are surrounded by everything but nice.
When I looked up Robert Greene and his quote it really gave me a perspective on being nice. I've always wondered what really is nice and I never really thought of it as a trait since literally anyone can be nice, but despite me being circumscribed by a happy family and spent all of my elementary and middle school years in a private Roman Catholic school. I had always this feeling that niceness isn't a trait it's something else, and soon it became more apparent to me when I came to Oakcrest since initially though ‘why is everyone a bit more mean?’. Then when I look Robert Greene since I had no clue what in the world he is besides being one of Ms. Bunje's favorite authors. Then it really hit me with Greene's view of the world I also agree that niceness is a choice. It not a trait but an ethic, a moral thing to have because when you are nice to someone it's because of the Golden Rule you treat others the way you want to treat them. But at the same time niceness can easily be thrown away like chaffs in threshing floors.
ReplyDeleteA good example of this is politicians. We all know why they always keep that smile, it's to look trustworthy and bring in more voters. Then we can only hope that they carry out their agendas that they promise with a nice smile that they portray.
There are three groups of people:
ReplyDeleteRobert Greene’s theory only applies to one group -- sociopaths. Like the actual medical term. I’m not trying to call him crazy. Though, he literally could be a sociopath. They only do things to benefit themselves (like being nice) and they don’t feel bad for doing something that is wrong to us feeling people (like torturing animals). They can manipulate people into getting what they want and if they have to be nice, then they will, but only if they choose that option. Everything is a strategy to them.
Next, there are those who are in the middle of the bell curve. We’re told to “treat someone the way you want to be treated, “ which, I guess, is a strategy. But it’s not the only reason why we are nice to each other. We all know what is right and wrong, even when we choose to do wrong things. We all have a “moral compass” that signals when we’ve gone too far. And that’s the difference between people who are said to have the “nice” character trait: you either choose to listen to it or you don’t. Being called nice doesn’t mean you never do anything wrong; it just means that you do the right thing for people *most* of the time. Of course, there are moments when we have to show someone up.
The difference between us and the extremes is that we have a line to cross. There is a certain point, which is different for everyone, where even “mean” people will hesitate to cross. Deep down, it hurts to not be nice.
Lastly, there is the other end of the spectrum, where niceness isn’t just a character trait: it’s a way of life. They can’t possibly fathom living without being kind and giving. No matter the environmental factors (troubled childhood, being oppressed, etc.), they still end up being nice, much to everyone’s surprise. Nelson Mandela, for example, didn’t carry hate around with him. No matter how hard he was battered and beaten, he returned kindness. Perhaps, you could say that he’s using the strategy of niceness to get them to realize their mistakes and change themselves. But, you’re assuming that everyone is smart and has the will to change themselves and that’s being overly optimistic of humankind. People like Mandela may seem weak and stupid to some, but the world is a better place with his ilk.
Robert Greene is correct about his assertion of niceness. Of course being nice is an option, not a trait. Being nice is something people choose to do or not to do. Everyone has the ability to be nice but some just simply choose not to be. This may be from how they were raised or who or what is surrounding them. For instance, if they live in an environment filled with people who are violent and disrespectful, they see this image and it begins to influence and mold them into a negative figure. On the other hand, if you are surrounded by positive and kind hearted people, you will see this perception of niceness and be influenced by it. Greene also states in his assertion that niceness is a strategy of social interaction, meaning that people use their niceness to get what they want or to have people be nice to them in return. Some people may act like this, but I believe that for the most part, people can be just genuinely nice. They do not even hesitate to be nice or even think to do something nice it just comes natural to them.
ReplyDeleteFor example, I was in Wawa one day and I was at the cash register ready to pay for a couple of things, and the lady behind me, not knowing what my total was, paid for all of my things. I was in shock because something like that has never happened to me before and I was totally caught off guard, and I tried to tell her that it was okay and that she didn't have to, but she insisted. I would describe this as a random act of kindness, but to the lady, it probably did not phase her. She simply chose to perform this act of kindness.
Yes, Greene's assertion is definitely correct. A lot of girls like “bad boys.” They like the thrill of being with someone who is not intact with their emotions and comes off as carefree. Personally, I absolutely love the reckless and mysterious parts of Reec. I know he would never lay a hand on me with the intentions of inflicting pain, but I love when we beat each other up playfully. He has an edge that I love. He knows how to be the perfect portion of gentle. He most definitely has a good heart, and I know this because of the way that he treats me- always with the utmost respect and love. A boy that is automatically attached and sweet comes off as “clingy” and is no longer an interest to most girls. I know this because I always see girls crying over a guy that was rude to them, but then they get back together the next day. Now, I think I know why. I know that girls fall in love with the guys that are destined to break their hearts, but then heal them the next day.
ReplyDeleteI know myself well enough to understand that I am one of those stereotypical girls I just mentioned. I like the hard-to-get attitude. That is honestly what made me so attracted to Reec at first. I do not like it when someone easily throws out their emotions or opinions on the first or second or third date. I like the suspense and mystery. This is entirely my opinion, and does not reflect how other people see those kinds of guys.
I definitely agree with Robert Greene that being nice is a decision. I think everyone chooses when to be nice and that's what most people do. They choose to be nice to people they want to have some form of connection with. For example, since we were younger we were all taught to be nice to eachother, but I mean there were always those kids that bit each other or got into little fights and then there were kids who always shared their food or toys with eachother. As we got older we saw bullies who chose to harass other people just for the fun of it. You hear stories about people who used to be bullies and how they changed because they realized it wasn't right hurting other people. People are often nice to eachother because they are either interested in them romantically or they wanna be friends with them and nobody want a rude & disrespectful friend. There's tons of people who many would be like "omg he/she is so sweet" and then you'll hear one of the friends replying saying "she's really not nice." It's all about first impressions. You think somebody is nice or mean according to how they approach you and how you seen them
ReplyDeleteact. The quiet people are always considered sweet and nice.
Freshman year I never really talked because I didn't know anyone since I'm from Galloway so everyone would tell me I'm so nice and everything and I'd tell them I'm really not as nice as they think I am, but of course, nobody believed me. I made friends after a while, but I wasn't too close to them so I'd be nice and watch what I say because I didn't want to lose the few friends I made. I eventually got really close to some people at one point & we all thought we were nice and now if you listen to us talk we don't sound nice at all. We say something and then feel bad we said it because it wasn't nice. So being nice also depends who you're around.If being nice was something people were born with, then changing yourself wouldn't really exist and you'd be stuck with how you were.
There are circumstances that we cannot control. We wish that we can, however we know that it is not for us to control. For example, a divorce. Divorce affects children the most because they feel broken. During this stage, they are shocked, hurt, and angry. Sometimes, a divorce could cause a long term effect that the child may even carry it until he/she is older. The brokenness and the pain that they are having is overflowing that they choose to hurt others as well. They don’t care what others feel or think because they are so focused on their own pain that they believe the only way to ease it is to make others feel miserable like them. Let’s say, pulling an attitude to someone is like their breather. In contrast, a person can be friendly, generous, helpful, and caring in order to hide their anger, pain, and brokenness. It is like a mask. It is “on” in front of other people, it is “off” when they are alone. They want others to see that they are fine, and happy. They want to make a good impression.
ReplyDeleteAnyways, my point is that niceness doesn’t always depend on one’s emotion, mood, or intention, our past plays a big role in our lives that we may or may not even consider niceness as a part of our character. So, yes, niceness is a choice not a trait. Even the nicest people reach the point where they think they’ve had enough.
I disagree with Geene’s opinion. For some people Niceness might be a decision but for a lot of people I believe it is a character trait. Certain people are born nice and don’t need to work for it and try to be nice, they just are. Some people also may take advantage of this trait by using it to get what they want, but that’s just instinctual. Take this as an example: you’re in a room with no other people in the room and no one can see what you’re doing. There is a dog near you and you see it’s hungry and its bowl is empty. Refilling his bowl is the nice thing to do. Will it benefit you in any way? Even if it isn’t your dog? No. So why would some people fill the dog’s bowl? To be nice. It can’t be strategical if you are not getting anything out of feeding the dog. Upon reading more about Greene I’ve come to my conclusion on him. He feels as though you need to work to obtain everything you have. Based off what his books seem to be about it makes me think he believes that nobody is born with traits that they all have to be gained and I disagree with that. For certain people of course they aren’t born with niceness or other traits and they DO have to work for it but there are plenty of people who are born with these traits. There are many people who do things because it makes them feel good, not because they feel as though it’s a strategy. A lot of people do things out of the kindness in their heart and there are a lot of people out there who do things nice so other people think they’re nice and they believe it will help them get somewhere.
ReplyDeleteSome people are raised to be nice and of course it also has to do with nature vs. nurture. If you say, came from a rough background it makes sense that you would be defensive and maybe only let your guard down and be nice because you feel like it will get you something. If you grow up in a family that raises you to be nice you will be nice! There are many factors that play into how nice you are but I truly believe some people are born with the character trait of niceness.
ReplyDeleteWhen each one of us are born we are born with the Original Sin (originating from Adam and Eve). This sin will never go away, even after being baptized. Other than that, each and every one of us are born with a pure heart and an open mind. Everything we do, say, conquer in life is a decision, I believe. When I think of a “trait” I don’t really associate that with genes we inherit. But I do believe that based on our decisions, defines our “traits,” per say. At least to others, that is. Is Robert Greene correct about his assertion regarding niceness? Yes and no.
As human beings, we all have within our power to do whatever we want and as we please. This is the power to make decisions for ourselves. So yes, being nice can be considered a decision. These are the people who splurge random acts of kindness that are unneeded but are done because that person is “choosing” to be nice. I would consider “niceness” a decision if you are going out of your way for others. You don’t even have to go out of your way for others, just being polite and humane is considered an act of “kindness” now a days.
Playing devils advocate, I also believe niceness is a trait. When you describe someone, and you proceed to say that that person is nice, you don’t refer to their kind decisions, you refer to who they are, their character, them as a whole. If someone gives you a compliment you are going to thank them and usually from there on out think that they are a nice person, nice being a trait. I truly believe everyone is nice, even if it's miles beneath them. Everyone’s heart is pure, just not everyone knows how to be nice, this could be because they were never taught or maybe because they just express kindness in a different, not so obvious way. I really think it’s impossible for someone to be one-hundred percent horrible. If being nice, mean, etc…, are “decisions” then what are traits, our traits? How are we supposed to describe ourselves? Our decisions reveal our traits.
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ReplyDeleteI agree with Robert Greene. I can see the appeal for being born with a good heart, I really do, but I think you have to earn your stripes with niceness. We’re all born differently. Some of us come from the most loving homes on Earth while others are in unsafe environments. The person coming from the loving home can turn into the biggest jerk on the planet while the child in the unsafe environment can have the biggest heart ever or vice versa. It’s all about what the person wants to do and how they want to be. Life choices, is the phrase I would like to use. Some people want to help others and make an impact on the world positively. Others like to think about themselves and hurt others to impact people negatively. I like to say people always want to be nice to each other but having a few conversations with both sides of politics, I have to take the statement back.
ReplyDeleteAn example would be a former student my mom taught. In second grade, he was smart, very nice and talented in athletics however he always played with the wrong kids in second grade. Because he was my mom’s favorite, my mom always worried he was going to get suck up into that. The other day, my mom saw him while picking me up at school and ran into him. I’ve never seen my mother so happy about another child. He is still the nicest person my mom has come across and that was all though choice. He could have chosen to go down the wrong path with those kids. He could have stopped caring about school and sports. But he didn’t; he chose to be the same, sweet, and nice kid he was back when he was 7 years old.
When I came to Oakcrest, I was overwhelmed beyond belief. I’m a very small person and the first person I saw walking in the hallway was Matt Hess. And if you don’t know who he is or don’t remember he who he is, he is a very tall, strong football player who graduated my freshman year. I thought every upper classman was scary as heck. When asking where everything was (because I was a very confused freshman), most people were very nice and showed/told me without any remarks. But of course, there were some who would roll their eyes and show me unwillingly or would just ignore me as a whole. I don’t know if had something to do with their arrogant egos in front of their friends or if that’s their human nature, all I know is that those upper classmen had a choice to help freshman like me or turn the other cheek.
Robert Greene is completely right regarding his assertion about niceness, "Niceness is a decision. It is a strategy of social interaction; it is not a character trait." Simply because you can't be born nice. Also I know for myself this is true that there is just some people you don't like by how they look or present themselves but you have a CHOICE to be nice to them or not. Another reason why niceness isn't a character trait is say someone that is known for being the "nice kid" comes into school one day grumpy is he going to be nice to people? Maybe, but the chances are high that he will be grumpy throughout the day until his mood changes. For example, in first lunch there's this kid (don't know his name) that sits by the door holding it open for everyone for most of the lunch period, he has a choice to stand there holding the door open for everyone because he doesn't have to but he wants to. Another example is when my bus driver sends have a good day to almost everyone getting off the bus, she doesn't have to say it (that's why she doesn't to some people) but again it's her choice if she wants to say it or not. So I agree with Robert Greene 100% it's a choice to be nice not a character trait.
ReplyDeleteRobert Green has no idea what he is talking about.
ReplyDeleteAccording to your dictionary, character traits are all the aspects of a person’s behavior and attitudes that make up that person’s personality.
Lets focus on the part of the definition that says “aspects of a person’s behavior” , now the quote "Niceness is a decision. It is a strategy of social interaction; it is not a character trait." I do agree that being nice is a decision, but it is also a form of behavior. Therefore, I disagree with Robert Green overall quote. Niceness is a character trait.
For example,
Scenario 1 : I have seen moments when person 1 would approach person 2 and say “Hi”, then person 2 would completely disregard them by giving them a dirty look and walking away. Their decision was to be rude; rudeness is a form of behavior.
Scenario 2 : Person 2 is having a terrible day. Person 1 approaches person 2 and says “Hi.” Despite person 2 having a terrible day, they say “Hi.” and smile back. Their decision was to be nice; niceness is a form of behavior.
Person 2 in both scenarios behavior contributes to their personality which is a character trait.
Niceness being a decision versus a characteristic comes down to morals. Everyone can follow them but your ability to disregard them is what shows how you view niceness(as well as other traits). If you can ignore your morals then niceness only ever occurs when you want it to. Whether that be for personal gain or a show gratitude to someone, you decide when to be nice. On the other side, if you can’t turn a blind eye to what you deem right even if you want to them niceness is a trait. It’s embedded in you to the point where you can’t stop it. That doesn’t necessarily mean you will always be nice but what it does mean is that your niceness is sincere. To have the quality of niceness is to be repulsed by spite even when you want it. You might feel like you hate everything about someone yet this mindset doesn’t feel right to you; it’s strange. I wouldn’t in a million years consider myself the nicest person but I do believe I possess niceness(as do a lot of others I believe). I can talk bad about people or disregard their opinions/feelings but it never feels right. I’d much rather talk positively about someone than negatively. To me, it’s not these choices that make us nice but niceness that influences these choices. There is a little niceness in all of us, it all depends on our ability to ignore it that seals its fate.
ReplyDeleteI agree with Greene, that being nice is a choice, or perhaps a strategy. I see myself as a nice person, but there are definitely times where I can't be nice, and I flip the switch. For example, I'm not as nice on the lacrosse field as I am in the classroom. I'm not as nice to the person I despise as I am to a girl I flirt with. Being nice is a persuasive technique. If you want someone to do something for you, you're not going to curse them out and make fun of them. Instead, you compliment them and do things for them until the bond between you and said person is strong enough. On the contrary, sometimes guys or girls will be mean or indifferent to the person they talk to, to try and make the other person want them.
ReplyDeleteAlthough in most cases being nice is a choice, there are certainly some situations where I can't help but being nice. If I go into a children's hospital and I'm surrounded by a bunch of poor little kids who are just trying to fight their way through life, I'm going to be nice to them. I know that was an extreme example, but there are plenty of times where I can't avoid being nice.
Another argument I have that supports that being nice is a trait, is that being mean to some people is a trait. Have you ever just met someone, or even looked at someone, and just determined immediately that you despise them? We all have at least once in our lifetime. You don't choose to dislike them. You just naturally decide you can't be nice to them.
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ReplyDeleteGreene does make a very good point on the idea of niceness and I agree with his stance on niceness. Niceness is not something people are born with but taught throughout someones youth. That person then takes what they learn and choose whether to apply it to life or not. Choosing to be nice is just something people do to receive something back whether it's more niceness or something physical. If this were something just found in our DNA or our brain we would know by now if it was. I grew up my whole life learning that it is always right to be nice to people and not be a total jerk to everybody because it gets you know where. Nowadays I am always nice to people because I choose to be nice because I remember what my parents had taught me in life. I was never born with niceness in me but I grew up learning to choose to be nice no matter what.
ReplyDeleteExamples of this would be people getting a job or accepted into college. People choose to be nice to the managers or bosses of these businesses to get hired because they know nobody wants a rude person working in their business. People choose to do these things for certain reasons and not because it's a character trait. Another example is when someone holds the door for someone else it's because they chose to be nice instead of letting the door close while they have a lot of stuff in their hands.
ReplyDeleteMy family and I were talking about something like this Robert Greene quote, this morning. What we were saying is that the nice things we say are almost always forgotten, but insults are always more memorable. For instance if I’m going through the day and someone says that I’m pretty or that my outfit looks nice or something along those lines, it’s going to make my day and I’ll obviously be happy for a moment. But then if someone were to say anything negative about me, it’s not only going to stick with me throughout the day, but the next day and probably every time I see that person. All this to say that being nice should be a choice we choose, even through the words we say to each other. Being mean opposed to being nice does nothing but sabotage someones mood, the person being mean doesn't even get anything out of it, but maybe a laugh that'll last a few seconds. A proverb says that pleasant words are like a honeycomb, sweet to the soul and healing to the bones. If we choose to be nice to other people, it’s good for ourselves and others, so considering what Robert Greene said, I agree being nice is definitely a decision. I understand that some people are naturally nice, but being nice isn’t a twenty-four seven thing. Bad things are bound to happen, I mean personally, I don’t think there's been a day that everything went exactly as I wanted for it be a perfect day, but we choose how to handle that. I know for myself I let negative things affect me way to much and then I get all mean and quiet and that affects the people around me.
As far as the other things mentioned in his quote, I can see how it is a social strategy as well. When I meet new people, I want them to think that I am nice if I’m setting a first impression. And I am a “nice” person, but I can’t always be nice, sometimes you’re going to see me sad, or upset, or godforbid angry, but I'm still actually learning how to control those things whereas being nice is an easier decision. I don't know why, it just is for me specifically. And then there is also the fact that everyone puts on this “nice” facade in cordial relationships, then again I speak for myself, but I know friends who do it as well. While I do think it is possible for there to be a genuinely nice person, it’s shown in their decisions, if they do nothing to seem nice then what is there to make them a “nice person”? Decisions and actions are everything.
Robert Greene has a very persuasive type of response to niceness. It is definitely a choice to be nice. If you want to relate it to someone in real life look at me. Mostly a lot of people probably think i'm a mean careless and idiotic jerk. Partially correct yes. But I can be nice. It is absolutely a choice. You don’t have to give someone a ride to a party, but choosing to be nice and taking them for the ride is a choice that character traits I don't really think have anything to do with it. Robert Greene I think just off of observation is probably not the nicest person. He realizes what being nice is and how people can percieve themselves. It you talk with a sort of nice tone, then usually have more success in getting a girls number ( well some of the times ). Or if you are having problems at home or in life in general, it is a person's choice to go out of the way and ask them what is going on and be there to comfort them.
ReplyDeleteThere is a saying, “Nice guys finish last”. The reason I bring this up is because the way that we perceive niceness can be view in different ways. Being nice does not always help you. Like if niceness can be perceived as wrong sometimes. Say you break a 20,000 dollar piece of artwork. You will be almost be deceivingly nice. Which can prove that you are guilty and make the other person lose respect for you. This is why people have the choice to be nice but don’t always use it. Ladies sometimes like the men that are complete jerks. Niceness can be good. But I think it is good to realize that not all types of niceness is good.
Robert Greene is very intelligent for his statement about niceness. I strongly believe that being nice is a choice and not a character trait. “Niceness” being a trait just sounds ridiculous. Anything that has to do with attitude and how you act as a person is based on your own choice. You can either be nice or mean and it’s only because of how you are as a person or how you are feeling at that moment. A trait is something that comes from your DNA. For example, your appearance. You look like your parents because it’s a trait. If your looks were based on choice, everyone would look completely different, even a twin.
ReplyDeletePeople are nice because they want to be, and people are mean because they want to be. Although it’s not a trait, the way you grow up can play a big role with your attitude. I’ll be honest, I can be extremely mean and I can also be extremely nice. Your attitude always depends on how someone or something made you feel. No one is going to be nice if someone just pissed them off or if they aren’t having a good day, especially me. Most of the time, even when I want to be nice it’s hard for me to be because I am an annoyed person who let’s everyone and everything ruin my mood. When my mood Is messed up, I will be extremely mean and not even care.
Being nice is part of attitude which is a decision. One minute you are, and one minute you aren’t.
I 100% agree with Robert Greene's statement about niceness being a decision, not a trait. Being a nice person is something that everyone in the entire world is capable of doing. Now for some people it is harder to be as nice as the other people who surround them. The lifestyles or hardships that people live through can sometimes alter the way a person acts or treats others which I can understand. Being a nice person is something that I personally take pride about. But I was never naturally born with trait to be nice to people. I love being a nice person because when I make someone else happy, I personally feel happy. Simple acts like holding the door for people and complimenting people is something everyone can do.
ReplyDeleteAn example of this was a time when a man came up and payed for my food when I went out to eat. Now I didn't even know this dude but as an act of kindness just decided to pay for me. Now by all means no one needs to pay money to be nice but just a simple act of kindness is something everyone can do.
If niceness was a trait rather than a decision, everyone who had the trait would really just be a nice person all the time. Many people have complimented me on how nice of a person I am. But sometimes I find myself being the opposite of a kind and gentle person. If I had the niceness trait I don't think I would ever be mean to anyone at all. The point is that you choose to be a nice person, you aren't given a trait or born with it.
I’m only 17 years old. I understand I haven’t even experienced the real world yet, but from the little I know, and have experienced, I know that life is short. That being said, I like to look at the world openly, I like to look at different situations and events as a stepping stone to something greater. I like to look at the world in a positive way, you never know when something or someone can be taken from you, so you might it well live it up while you can and be as optimistic as possible. So when it comes to Robert Greene, right off the bat, I am not a fan. I don’t like to question things, I don’t like to the bearer of bad news, I like to make people smile, and I like to make people laugh. I don’t want to question the genuity of people, and I don’t want people to question the genuity of their selves, but I have to admit, that’s what Robert Greene’s quote about niceness is doing to me, probably because I find some truth in it.
ReplyDeleteThe very first phrase of Greene’s quote is “niceness is a decision.” I couldn’t agree more. It is everybody’s personal choice to wake up and spread kindness. It is a decision to hold the door for someone behind you, it is a decision to compliment someone, it is a decision to use manners and be respectful, yes, niceness is a decision. But, the remaining phrases to Greene’s quote is twisting my brain into knots. “It is a strategy of social interaction; it is not a character trait.” I couldn’t agree less. Correct me if I’m wrong, but a character trait and social interaction are the same thing. Take respectfulness for example, it is a character trait, but is also a social interaction. How could you have one without the other? Yes people choose to spread kindness, and they also choose to spread respectfulness, but they also shape a person’s character, which shapes their social interaction. I feel as though, Greene, no matter how respected or not, just wants to question people things, and look at things through pessimistic glasses. I believe that people are genuinely nice, and genuinely respectful without just putting a show on in public. I believe that everyone expresses the utmost positive character.
I see truth in Robert Greene’s quote, in the beginning atleast, but I do not agree, or have the same viewpoint as he does. Yes I believe and agree that people choose to express certain character traits, but I don’t think those traits, are used solely for social interaction. I believe that if someone was genuinely not nice or respectful, they wouldn’t fake for the public eye.
I do agree with the quote from Robert Green saying that Niceness is more of a decision and strategy, rather than a trait that we are born with. What Greene is saying makes a lot of sense and is very true. It is definitely a person’s choice to be nice and not something that we are born with. Our decision to be nice may be influenced by our parents, how we are raised, and what we see and experience as life goes on. Being nice and kind hearted should be the decision that everyone makes, but for different reasons some people don’t act that way and instead act like jerks for no reason. These people make other people feel bad about themselves and just put others down. There should be more people that act nice, but it's a person’s decision to choose whether or not they want to be nice.
ReplyDeleteFor me, I have always been taught to be nice by my parents and that’s what I do. From what I see, being mean will will not get you anywhere, but being nice will always come back around to you with some kind of reward. I choose to be nice and it’s not a trait that people are born with. I was always taught to be nice to everyone and that’s is what I will do and this is what I will teach my children. Nothing good come out of being a jerk. Some people like people who act like a jerk, but it really isn’t the right thing to do. From my own experiences, I know that being nice to people will make you feel better about yourself, make the people around you feel better, and brighten the mood in any situation. Even if I’m having a bad day, I’m not going to take it out on the people around me because that wouldn’t be right. I will still act as if it were a normal day. I know that being nice is the right thing to do, and what goes around will come back to you when you’re in a time of need and someone stops and helps you out of the niceness of their heart.
A person’s niceness is not tangible nor can it be physically seen. That is what causes people to be so easily mislead by niceness, or on the other hand be misleading by using niceness. There is no way to tell whether a person is acting nice to obtain an ending result in their favor, or if a person’s acts of kindness are genuine. In most relationships it takes time to detect one’s true colors, and by the time we figure it out we are far too late. Everyone has a secluded intent behind their niceness.
ReplyDeleteNiceness can be a decision, a strategy of social interaction, and a character trait. I disagree with Robert Greene. It would be shallow and nearly impossible to stereotype every human being’s intentions on being nice. I also think that a person’s genuine niceness can vary depending on how much they care for the person they are dealing with. I personally don't like or agree with 90% of the people in my life, rather than being a complete jerk all day everyday , I act nice. It is not genuine, I decide to act nice as a strategy of social interaction. When I am nice to the people I love, it is genuine. The niceness comes from my heart because I am concerned about their feelings.
In all honesty sometimes I choose to be nice to people. I do believe however I’m nice to people because the kindness in my heart won’t let me do otherwise. People sometimes chose to be nice to their family and friends but don’t care about other people outside of their circles. While there are others who are nice to people all around. They’re nice to family, friends, neighbors, strangers, etc.
ReplyDeleteRobert Greene is a different character in the way he doesn’t give a shit about what others think. I respect him for the fact that he doesn’t let other people affect his opinion. So to answer the question about Greene’s quote "Niceness is a decision. It is a strategy of social interaction; it is not a character trait." his opinion is that niceness isn’t part of someone’s character. Personally I believe that niceness is a trait. Niceness is a trait just like mean, sweet, etc. are traits. Robert Greene’s assertion regarding niceness is not correct. Niceness is a trait not a choice.
Robert Greene was right when he said that being nice to someone is a choice. It's a conscious decision.There are people who use niceness as a tool to help them get what they want. When asking for something or doing an interview the person is most likely going to be nice. If someone wants to impress someone like there boyfriends/girlfriends parents they are going to be nice.It can in fact be used as a strategy. There are also people who just try to be nice for the sole purpose of being nice. A person cannot be nice every minute of every day. Every time someone holds the door open or helps someone bring their groceries to their car that is a choice. They could've just kept walking by but they chose to do those things. Even someone who people see as a mean person can do nice things. It's all about what that person decides to do. Those little choices add up but they don't make someone a nice or mean person because even a nice person can be mean and vice versa.
ReplyDeleteIn the modern era niceness can be used as a tool. It is realistic to assume it is used more as a tool nowadays rather than an actual characteristic. With so much judgement and hate in the world nice people are hard to come by. Everyone seems to be in for themselves, doing whatever it takes to get the upper hand. People taking advantage or manipulating others with being nice is seen all over our culture. It has become an accepted part of society. You see politicians using it all the time, pleasing a certain group of people by filling their ears with kind words and things they want to hear.
ReplyDeleteRobert Greene’s statement is not true in my opinion. While niceness can be used as a strategy, there are still nice people in the world that are just nice because it is who they are. Think of your elementary school teacher who wouldn’t hurt a fly, or that guy that holds the door for you at wawa. There are still nice people in the world, just not as many as there should.
Greene's quote states that people aren't born "nice" and instead choose to be nice. He goes to state that it's not a "character trait" implying that a person can't be described as naturally nice, they are simply BEING nice, they aren't actually a nice person. In order to explain the nature of being nice, one must also understand being mean. I personally think the two adjectives go hand in hand and so I give my answer. I HOPE that he is right. I hope that people choose to be nice the way some people choose to be evil. Not because I want people to choose to be evil, but because it would be terrible if people were born evil or bred evil. If it was embedded into someone's brain to be evil, then you wouldn't be able to change them. But if someone was choosing to be evil, you could maybe persuade them to change. To answer the question exactly, I don't think he is right. Although I have my hopes, I personally think that it can be bred into someone's mind to be kind or evil. Someone's upbringing, in my opinion, can shape the personality of a person.
ReplyDeleteThe personality of a person can be caused by the fact that they had no other choice during their upbringing. A kind person might be kind because as they were growing up, they had no choice but to be kind and so they turn into a kind person. Since they experienced a long time without having a choice, they think that they forever have no choice but to be kind. The quote also implies that a person is either evil all the time and just chooses to be nice, or a person is indifferent towards everything and chooses to be mean or nice, which implies they don't have a set feeling on anything which seems impossible. Therefore I think the quote is wrong. If someone was truly nice, then they can't be bad for long, and if someone was truly evil, then they can't just act kind for a certain amount of time. The true personality of a person ALWAYS comes out, which is why I think kindness can't JUST be a choice. Personally, I think I was born a kind person because I get frustrated at times and I can be mean but at the end of the day, I will always apologize and my kindness will come through.
After contemplating Robert Green’s point, I decided I agree with him that niceness is a decision. However, the decision to be nice is linked to being responsible for having kind traits which is solely based on how we were raised. We reflect this in our actions, and we have the capability to alter our reactions.
ReplyDeleteMany people have said to me that I am one of the sweetest people they have ever met (I guess also since I am quiet). I always try to uplift or assist others, and I cannot stand rude, vulgar, hateful people. I always believed that it is only my nature to be kind, but I realize that in situations I see what is good and bad and choose to react with kindness, which is basically instinctive at this point. I was raised in a home valuing respect, and now I realize that I act nice as my mom. My mom is always smiling, and many describe her as the one who brightens up a room. The trait of niceness was instilled in me by my parents, good TV shows, or Sunday school, and I decided to listen to their teachings as well as the education of basic manners back in preschool or kindergarten: “treat people how you want to be treated,” holding doors for others, sharing, caring, being friendly, etc. In that sense, niceness has to be a decision because it is up do us, no matter how much we are disciplined, to act with kindness and apply it to our lives though our environment greatly impacts us.
People who act rude are often in environments with people who are morally disrespectful, and they choose to be that certain way because they grow up believing that it is all that is correct (i.e people at school who disrespect teachers, people who are bullies, racists, etc.). In this case, those types of people are described as “rude” or “nasty” as their traits because they decide to behave in this manner despite it being almost mandatory from their environments.Even though they grow up believing all this, they can alter their stance on niceness since people can change, but it is more arduous to that as it is essentially a habit at that point. This overall creates our traits of niceness because it is the impression we decide to give to others through our actions that we have learned from whatever environment, and we therefore decide to be kind which determines our trait of niceness others judge us by. Yes, niceness is a decision.
I agree with Mr. Greene that “niceness is a decision”, however, unlike how some people may think, this decision can be treated or used in two ways: manipulation and just from the pureness of the heart.
ReplyDeleteThis is a dog-eat-dog world and certainly, niceness is a strategy used by many people in order to survive the noxious society. People use others, manipulate others, and destroy others in order to climb up the food chain. This can be seen throughout many characters in novels such as Valentine Morgenstern, a man who brought up an orphaned boy with kindness but also cruelty, only to plan on using the poor boy as bait or an inside-man (“The Mortal Instruments” series), or Lagus Tradio, a former family leader who was at first seen as a respectable noble, only to find out later on in the webtoon that he was really a cunning man who wanted power in order to rule not just humans, but also the werewolves and nobles (“Noblesse” webtoon series). Though these may just be fictitious stories, there is always a little bit of truth behind the meaning of them, which is people can never be fully trusted.
Yet, there is good in every bad person and vice versa. Because niceness can be used as manipulation, it is solid enough to say niceness can come from the heart. There is a soft side to every living thing. It is written in our blood to cherish those we define as important, except some people have different ways of showing it. Some use niceness while others use abuse. Some use kind and gentle words while others use anger and threats. Some show gentleness while others show violence.
This may be a dog-eat-dog world, but it does not mean that we are emotionless.
Robert Greene seems to be a smart man with a cynical view on life. He may refer to himself as a “realist”, but with a quote such as “Pose as a friend, work as a spy” it’s suddenly obvious why people would confuse his message to be one of manipulation. However, he is right when he says that niceness is a decision. If we were asked the question, Do you like my outfit? We would most likely dish out a compliment as to avoid conflict. In this case we decided to go with the response that not only boosted their self-esteem, but made us seem better as people. Realsits, such as Greene, would much rather tell the truth because they are the kind of people who can handle the harsh true better than others. It's not a bad thing to always say what you feel is the truth, but I feel that people who always tell the ‘truth’ and never consider other people’s feels are just extreme realists and as you know, extreme anything is bad news. I am also a big believer that, while niceness isn't carried down through your genes, children learn kindness through their parents. While some people may believe strongly that the truth is more important, others (the ones with parents who stressed kindness) believe that it is okay to lie if it is to spare another person’s feelings. Either way you look at it there is no right or wrong answer, niceness is a choice to some and is irrelevant to others. Personally, kindness is no strategy, there is no long term goal for being nice to someone, you’re not nice to someone because you want to manipulate them. You are nice to someone because that is how you were taught to deal with the situation. That is not saying that feelings are more important than the truth, because at the end of the day the truth will always be there, but if there is a way to spare someone’s feelings while telling the truth and not being cruel, you should always choose to be nice.
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ReplyDeleteIf i'm speaking completely honestly, I think the idea that people are inherently ANYTHING is a load of crap. Nobody is born with an attitude or a certain opinion or anything like that. So answering the question of "Is niceness a trait or a choice?" I'd say it's a choice. If niceness were a trait not everybody would have it. The definition of trait is a distinguishing quality or characteristic, meaning that a trait is something that makes a person stand out as an individual but i'd say the majority of people choose to be kind out of a want to do good, not out of some wide spread characteristic of personality but because we decide to. Another definition for you: Choice- an act of selecting or making a decision when faced with two or more possibilities. Everyone could be assholes to one another if they CHOSE to but we don't because we've created a society where we're taught that if you do no one will like you (nor should they if you go out of your way act like an ass hat) and that's enough of a consequence for us to choose to be good, but again it's a CHOICE. It's like if you had a choice of taking a million dollars V.S. Having your left hand lopped off. There is no reason to choose the latter because the result would hinder you whereas the other option clearly benefits you, so you would have absolutely no reason to do the other, that's the way niceness works. Now going along that thought do I believe the only reason people do good things or show compassion is so that they can get things out of you? No. Sure some people will have ulterior motives, but i'd like to believe that most people do it out of the fact that they want to help others and not just for the cynical purpose of manipulating you.
ReplyDeleteIs “niceness” a decision? Author Robert Greene proposes a statement on the topic of niceness where he deems the word as a strategy instead of a character trait. It would help the case against Greene’s claim of “niceness” being a decision if everyone was nice 24 hours a day, seven days a week. But no one ever is. Even the most kind-hearted person will let their dark emotions get the better of them. Although I have no evidence to prove my claim, the sin of greed is a big game changer. The “wanting to have friends” is being greedy. You are robbing a person’s time and focus for your own personal need. To be friends, one would have to be sociable and being kind is one great way to start off. And thus I agree with Robert Greene’s claim. Another example would be getting what you want instead of what you need. Wanting something has various levels of greediness. There’s the innocent kid’s view of wanting a cute little puppy. Then there’s the adult’s wanting of the better things in life. Some are achievable, others are not. To obtain the better things in life, there are a few options. To use any violent means necessary or to take the more pacifist route. We have an option to take the kind route as it agrees with the law and makes us feel better about ourselves. But the darkness in ourselves tells us otherwise. In conclusion, Greene’s statement is indisputably true. People choose to be kind for their own needs. They cannot stay kind forever.
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ReplyDelete"Niceness is a decision. It is a strategy of social interaction; it is not a character trait." --Robert Greene. Robert Greene is a very intelligent man but I find this quote both right and wrong. I think I am truly a nice person and that niceness is one of my traits that I have developed as I’ve gotten older. Even though I find myself to be naturally a nice person I also believe that I can make that decision to be nice to people even if I don’t want to. My mom always says to “be nice to everyone so that no one will have a bad thing to say about you.” I will always be nice to someone, even if I don’t think I should be. That is the only time that I even need to make that decision to be nice. I don’t really know what kind of “proof” I need to prove my point other than how I am personally because I can’t speak for others. Robert Greene is someone who has his own opinion because he obviously doesn't have the niceness trait that I have.
I believe that Robert Greene is right about how niceness is not a characteristic trait, but instead a strategy utilized in society. People choose whether to be nice or not; niceness is a decision. People can be nice to others in one instance, but can also have a mean side to them too. For me, I choose to be nice in front of adults or strangers or classmates who I do not know that well, but in front of my closest friends, I am blunt, pessimistic, weird, and mean. I am adept at upholding a nice personality and display my niceness in front of strangers or in public. Sometimes, though, being nice in front of other people allows me to easily manipulate them to allow certain situations go my way. I use niceness as a strategy to get the result of a situation to go as predicted. Once people actually start to get to know me, they will find out how I am not the nicest person around, especially when I am playing online games with them or when they bring up my family. This goes to show how I follow Greene’s statement of how being nice is not a characteristic, but instead a choice that I decide to follow sometimes.
ReplyDeleteAnother instance in where the statement by Robert Greene is true can be found in teachers. For example, an originally nice teacher can choose to start being mean after being pushed so far. They know when to stop being nice and start being meaner and sometimes become even more strict in enforcing the rules in the class. Teachers can choose when they can be nice to their class and can choose when to stop being nice whenever their class gets out of hand.
Overall, niceness is something that most people choose to have at certain parts of their life. A person does not have the innate characteristic of being nice to everyone, they are bound to have a little bit of a mean side to them. No one is inherently nice and niceness is just another “strategy” within social interactions with others.
I agree with Robert Greene’s quote, “Niceness is a decision. It is a strategy of social interaction; it is not a character trait,” a hundred percent. Many people have different ways to talk to certain people which help characterize a person. Along with niceness, there's being mean, shy and many other different traits. Depending on the personality of people, there could be a variety of conversations. For example, my grandma talks to everyone, strangers and close friends,with the same tone which is sweet and nice. However, when she’s mad or not in the mood, she gives everyone an attitude and will barely talk to anyone.
ReplyDeleteAlso, there are many times when I choose to be nice in certain situations and other times when I choose to have an attitude. I definitely agree that we all make a decision with how we choose to interact with people and the way we approach them. Furthermore, character traits are more to do with the way people are born and the characteristics they inherit. An example of different character traits would be being funny, cocky, smart, dumb, etc. Although being nice and being mean can be seen as an ilk of character trait, it is a decision. Decisions are “choices you make after you think about it” according to Google and most people decide between how they want to interact with others.
Being nice is completely optional. It's a choice and it is a strategy used in society. People use being nice to make themselves feel better or to better themselves. Someone may be a horrible person but know when to be nice in order to win someone over, thus using this as a stepping stool in society. Flattery works very well in many cases. However, there are people in the world that are genuinely nice, not because they even choose to be, but because they just know to be nice to people. It literally goes back to the saying "treat others the way you want to be treated". People are nice because it's common courtesy; they want to be treated in the same manner. Some people just automatically take other peoples feelings into consideration, and THAT is a character trait.
ReplyDeleteI don't like people. In fact, I hate the majority of people. Like some, I choose to see the worst in people before I see the best in them. This way, it can't get any worse. When people are nice to me, I always believe that there's some crazy alternate motive behind it. I agree with Greene's quote on niceness...to an extent. But, every product has its flaw and Greene's quote is no exception.
ReplyDeleteI'm not the nicest person you will ever meet. In fact, I'm a terrible person. I've used being nice to my advantage before, which makes it a strategy. When I first meet people I come off as a nice and caring person. It's a way to help prevent intimidation as well as a way to get closer to someone. I've used this strategy almost every time I've met someone new or was in a new environment. As I grow closer to a person or more familiar with an environment, I also tend to ditch this strategy and unveil my true, sardonic self.
The part where I disagree with Greene's statement is how often you're nice. Some people are known to be naturally nice. The majority of the time they will be a kind and caring person. Yet there are others who are known to be terrible people. These people are pessimistic and narcissistic but also manage to be nice on rare occasions. I believe that how often we are nice, is a Nature vs. Nurture issue. I believe that being nice is a mixture of both nature and nurture. Many parents raise their kids up to be nice to people and care for others (I wouldn't know personally but...) but the environment also contributes to how they act too. The people we're around, the weather, the surroundings. These are all factors that play with our state of minds and how we're feeling.
People also say that when you're nice, people take advantage of you. If you consider that then why would anyone want to be nice? I'm 100% sure that I would not like to be taken advantage of but so many others are taken advantage of. It's a topic for discussion.
I believe that being nice can go either ways. Since I'm a pessimistic person, I agree with most of his statement. But there's always a loophole so I can't agree entirely.
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ReplyDeleteGreene is completely right. Deciding to be nice has advantages that are too good for some people to pass up on, or for people to take the risk of skipping out on what they could get back for being nice. People may be nice to others to socially get ahead in some sort of way. If you do something nice for someone you know, it is usually expected that they do something for you. Say you’re nice to a rich person, who knows what they could do for you as a favor back, or what they could for you if you were they were your friend. It usually goes something like “Oh come on, remember when I did this for you!” or “Since I did this for you, do you think you can help me with that?”.
ReplyDeletePeople may be nice because in our society, it is highly looked upon. Society makes them feel like it is the right, moral thing to do. Another thing about society's role in being nice is when people are watching. If someone drops all their books in the hallway the surrounding people look around at the others, waiting for someone to be nice. If you didn’t do the nice thing and decided to walk away, your conscience would have been gnawing at you about you being a bad person. You will think there are a bunch of eyes drilling into the back of your head, judging you on the wrong-doing you just did.
Even if you believe you are not getting anything in return, there may be this weird feeling welling inside you; pride, satisfaction. When you build up others, you could unintentionally be building up yourself, if that makes any sense. And it feels good, so you continue to do it.
ReplyDelete"Niceness is a decision. It is a strategy of social interaction; it is not a character trait." --Robert Greene. Greene’s quote is indeed correct to certain extent, however he basically summarized how people tend to act during conversations, social gatherings, parties etc. Niceness can be used in a light or dark form. It can be used to flourish hope or it can be use as a manipulation tactic. Some perceive niceness as a derivative from fear. In my perspective, everyone in the world is different. Each and everyone have their own agendas, character traits, the way of dealing with various scenarios etc. It all depends on the individual that is the only factor in my mind. The main point of the quote I agree with is niceness is a strategy of social interaction. And I bet everyone has attempted to use niceness as a tactic to maneuver their way in life. (Mostly in manipulative way) Even I have used niceness as a strategy tactic to get along with people. It’s extremely effect. Niceness is an effective way of cooperation. It helps you get along with people and even befriend them. It can be use in order to avoid confrontation, survival strategy, appeal, expression, so on and so forth.
We all have chose to be nice in order to make a great first impression, be a go to person, respected and well like among peers/ elders. The nicer you are, the more people will perceive you as trustworthy. When we were young, we were all taught to be nice in order to have a great social life. It basically the right thing to do. (Good moral) For example, would you rather stay in a room with a rude hostile person or someone whom is hiding their emotions inside but being nice outside? Of course the majority would pick the second option since they are easy to get along with. The conception of niceness is person is one who conforms his behavior to what he believes society sees as “nice.” The nice person is focused on himself especially since he does nice things in order to be perceived by others and by himself as a “nice person.” Overall niceness is our weapon to gain favor from others. People use it for good and evil purposes. Just as I have expressed it previously, it all depends on the individual. For instance presidents in elections use niceness in order to appease their audience, employees use it to get along with their co-workers and impress their bosses, I choose it to bring peace, respect, evasion or to identify the true personalities of people.
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Delete"Niceness is a decision. It is a strategy of social interaction; it is not a character trait." --Robert Greene
ReplyDeleteI agree niceness is a decision that we use for social interaction. But I would not go as far as saying it’s not a character trait. For doesn’t our decision make up our character traits? Isn’t everything just a decision made by us. We make our own character traits for our self. We make our character by the decisions we make in our life because the decisions we make reflect upon ourselves in what we believe is right. You have the power to make nice or kind which will reflect in your decisions. It’s a quality you have that you have developed. It is the quality YOU have and a makeup of your moral qualities that are distinctive to you. This is your character. Character traits are just the worlds way of describing your person. Our character traits if you think about it only effect the people around you. Which is kind of like your social interaction. Niceness=decisions=social interaction, and if you take in account what I said before Character traits= social interaction. Therefore, social interaction= Character trait which= niceness. So, niceness must be a character trait. Who gives a crap about your character traits? THE WORLD. Your character traits only effect the people you intact with. Your character is what helps people develop an opinion about you. My character interacts socially with other people’s character. Which is all social interaction right?
If make the decision to be a trusting or nice, I can only express those to other people. This makes an impact on them and that’s how they will think of me when my name comes up. This is what shapes my character traits which is just what the world of people view me as a person. So, it is just a full cycle. It builds on one another. If you build a wall out of bricks, it’s a brick wall. If you build your character or qualities (like being nice) out of your traits, it will be your character traits. In this context, I do not agree with Greene given the small statement but it makes you think and question what thinks are to you.
This blog hits me very personally. The word “nice” has been my label since I was a little girl. My classmates referred to me as nice, along with teachers, family members, and even strangers. You know when someone asks you to describe a person in one word, well I’ll give you one guess what most people say about me. Before my sophomore year I would have probably gotten mad that someone couldn’t come up with another adjective to explain my personality, but not anymore. I would have probably been annoyed that that’s the first thing someone would have remembered me by. Nowadays, I take being called nice as a compliment, but I really can’t help that part of me. And I’m not here to claim that I am the nicest human being on this planet because I’m not, and I do not choose to be. Furthermore, no one really talks about the negative side of being pronounced as nice. As I grow older it has actually taken a different toll on me that what you may expect. Sometimes I don’t decide to be nice. Sometimes I simply don’t want to be nice (even though that make me sound like a horrible person). But the truth is the people who are the closest to me know how being nice affects me in negative ways. How I’m constantly being told I am “too nice”. Here’s why…
ReplyDeleteI am the person to suppress my feelings no matter how strongly I feel. I am the person to not speak my mind against someone else. There have been many scenarios this past school year where I just went with the flow so to say and let people slide or take advantage of me. But why do I let this happen? People tell me just to say no. Just to TELL someone the truth. I just wish they would understand how hard this is for me. I wish you would help me, not just tell me what to say because it’s something I have to fight internally. Niceness. It just hurts me too much on the inside to be mean to someone. I just can’t do it and I wish people around me could see that. To be completely honest, it makes me furious that I can’t say what I want because I fear hurting someone else. Also, having someone see me in a negative way or God forbid that I’m a “mean” person. It’s a flaw that I have because I do care how I treat people and that’s not my personal choice all the time. It’s a feeling that controls my thoughts and actions like a puppetmaster.
A more specific example of me proving to be “too nice” is when I was captain during marching band. At the end of the season most members write letters to their captains and seniors and I overwhelmingly got the same response from everybody. They wrote how I was the best captain ever because of my amazing pep talks and how I helped them grow and learn as a musician, person, and marcher. They went on about how I was reliable, light hearted, and a wonderful role model. However, one thing struck me in the eye about a particular thing everyone commented about. I was “too nice” of a captain. Now, I recognized this throughout the entire season, but I never really thought about how others perceived my niceness. I would hesitate to yell at people when they were late, didn’t carry a prop, messed up drill or the music, and mainly when I didn’t yell at people to run laps when they were supposed to. Over a couple days I thought about this and I promised myself that next year I would change. That I wouldn’t let people get away with things as easy as they did. Yes, it was frustrating when people didn’t do things right, but it never came to the point where I yelled at anybody, I just spoke directly to them or gave them second chances. I know I can’t change the past, but I know in my heart that I would have wanted to be stricter and that would have maybe made me a better leader.
Thankfully, I have another year to try to grow as a person and captain and start fresh again next season, but I’m scared. I’m scared that this part of me will never change, that I will always be this nice. And it’s not truly how I want to be 100% of the time. I want to be that assertive figure that still has a good heart, just knows when it’s right to yell at a freshman once in awhile.
DeleteOn another note, the very miniscule amount of times I have been angry or mean were mainly because my mental state couldn’t take the jarring in emotions anymore. I’m human and I simply cannot handle the stress and anxiety and anger that I hide, not on purpose. So when these emotions come out, it’s not exactly WHEN I want to them to explode and often times comes off as a defense mechanism against the wrong people at random times. When the niceness works as a blockade and the other emotions need to come out, most of the time it comes out as I yell at someone for something small or I just start bawling. Most of the time sadness masks the anger inside of me. The anger that I’m not communicating my true feelings or the anger of how people treat me and I’m too “nice” to give them a taste of their own medicine.
I know most of you may disagree with my opinion, but it’s what I believe due to my first-hand experiences. I mean, I have lived with myself my whole life and as I grow older I’m becoming more aware of who I am. No, Robert Greene, you are wrong, well at least about me. I am thankful that I am a good person at heart, but it is definitely not a social strategy. If it were up to me, some people would get a piece of my mind (did that sound tough enough?). If it were up to me, I wouldn’t choose to be nice in that particular scenario because why would I go against my friends’ advice on purpose if I agree with them? But until then, I just have to adapt to my trait and see where it takes me in the future. And to all my friends who I know are reading this, thank you for pushing me to say what I really feel. Trust me, one day I promise I’ll come around and surprise you.
Robert Greene’s statement was very powerful indeed, but I believe it is not true in all cases. I do believe there are people who are naturally nice, and it has everything to do with their upbringing and experiences. Those who grew up around kind and loving people will most likely grow up to be kind and loving themselves. However, I do not believe those are very rare cases, as being “nice” is a very broad term that covers a massive range of actions. Let’s say that a new kid enters the same classroom as you, and you so much as think of interacting with him, then you are being nice. Now even though you may not go through with it, that does not necessarily mean you were being “mean” either. I think the decision Greene is talking about was whether or not we take action on our thoughts. Now let’s say that being nice or mean depends on our actions. Then Greene’s quote could nearly be considered fact (What I mean by that is that it is really, really true). Nearly all the time, being nice requires effort, almost as if is not natural. I cannot tell you how many times I have done something nice for someone, and it feels completely weird. Sometimes, after doing something nice for someone, people get very emotional and it kills me. Like it literally makes me feel like exploding. It’s weird, but maybe that is just me. Also, if being nice were a trait, it would not take a conscious effort in the first place. A conscious effort means something was not natural for you to do, and by that logic, niceness is not a trait. This theory does work the other way too, because sometimes it takes a conscious effort to not tattletale, or to turn a blind eye to something. Maybe we as humans are creatures that do whatever feels good at the moment. That would explain a lot.
ReplyDeleteRobert Greene is 100% right when he says that niceness is a strategy of social interactions and not a trait. Here's what I consider to be traits: sincere, truthful, and trustworthy. All of those things are closely related to the term "nice", but being nice is not a trait. These things are things that you can’t fake. Being nice isn't always a choice, but most times, it is. Niceness, when not intentional, is something that can be displayed because someone truly holds genuine characteristics, those in which make others see them as nice. However, most times, being nice is a decision--a front that people put up to either fool people into believing that they are something they're not, or to make them feel better about themselves.
ReplyDeleteMost of us aren't nice. We're not genuine in the things we do, sincere in the things we say, or trustworthy of the information we take in. Most of us want to be remembered as someone we wish we actually were. Most of us use the decision of being nice to hide the ugly about ourselves that we know isn't desirable to the people around us.
As humans, we have the need to feel loved, adored, and wanted. And to most of us, being enticing, and putting on a front and choosing to be nice, is better than being who we are, saying what we actually think, and working to actually better ourselves.
I've come across very few people in my life who can be considered nice and who I can also consider genuine. People who are actually good people who display niceness. People who do things that have nothing to do with the way you were raised, or how things work at home, but because of the purity of their heart. Those that show niceness naturally. Not because that’s what they’re aiming to do, but because the genuinity of who they are forces that niceness to show. Anyone can throw their gum in the trash can instead of spitting it onto the sidewalk. Anyone can hold a door for the person behind them. Anyone can tell the cashier behind the desk to have a good day before they go. But chances are, all of these things are simply things that we were raised to do--who we were raised to be. Those kinds of people are all around us. But the people who are genuine that unintentionally show a sense of niceness, are rare.
I’ll give you a prime example of what I mean: Let's just say you're in class. A girl is sitting at her desk with a friend, talking about what an awful day she's had. She missed the bus, she's feeling insecure about her outfit, her hair, her make-up. She's got a detention to serve after school, and all she wants to do is go home, go to bed, and see tomorrow, because she just wants today to be over with. You know this because you heard her. She's talking, as is everyone, but her voice seems to be just a little bit louder than everyone else's, probably because of the anxiety behind it that's amplifying everything she says. The teacher turns to the class, and says her name because it's the only distinctive voice she can hear. She calls her out in front of the class; tells her that she needs to be focused, do her work, stop talking. She uses every teacher's favorite lines, you know, the "if you aren't going to use the time I'm giving you to do your work then you don't deserve it", and my personal favorite "if you don't want to do AP work then you aren't an AP student". The teacher turns her head back to her computer, engaged in her work once again. The room falls silent. The girl slides down in her desk, cheeks flushed, and begin to work diligently. You see one tear drop hit her paper. Then another. Everyone in the class notices the small sniffles that she’s trying to hide, but that are impossible to mask through the silence.
So what do you do?
Most people would ignore the fact that she was upset at all, from the jump. They would pretend that they didn’t hear the conversation, or see the tears, or notice the sniffling.
DeleteThe “nice” people, the ones who are going for the sweet look, may go to their friends after class and say “did you see her? She was crying, I felt so bad”. They may even go over to her and ask if she’s okay because it’s the nice thing to do--give her a sympathetic smile as she leaves when the bell rings.
But the people that I’m talking about? No. They don’t ignore it. They don’t ask if she’s okay, even though they don’t really care, and won’t actually help her if she actually responds with a no. The people that I’m talking about go over and ask if she’s okay. They let her know that they overheard that she’s had a bad day. They go over in the first place because they feel sympathy for her. They know what it’s like to have one of those days. They go over, because they don’t care at that point whether or not the teacher embarrasses them too. They want to take the opportunity that they have right at that very second to let that girl know that it’s okay to cry--go to the bathroom, and let it out. They want to let that girl know that it happens to the best of us, and considering how awful her day has been, it can only get better. They want to give that girl hope in tomorrow, and the courage to wipe her tears, put a smile back on her face, and go through the rest of her day knowing that it’s okay. Not because someone will see it, and acknowledge it, and suddenly place them under the category of nice, but because it was worth it to see her walk away from the situation knowing that things would be better.
I agree strongly with Robert Greene’s post. Niceness isn’t something that you naturally have based off your personality, it’s a choice people make. People decide when they want to be nice, depending on the situation. The amount of niceness someone gives off also depends on the kind of environment they’re constantly in. For example, if someone grows up in a household where manners aren’t valued, then they’re most likely not going to go out of their way to be nice towards others, or show others manners in general. So yes, niceness is a choice because we all pick and choose when we want to be nice.
ReplyDeleteThink about it, if I don’t like someone one for whatever reason I’m going to choose to not be nice to them. If they’re disrespectful towards me why would I show them any respect? So in other words, you choose when it’s the right time to be nice. But don’t get me wrong, there are people out there in the world that are constantly nice to everyone, but that’s a choice they are making. There’s no such thing as being naturally nice, but there is such thing as choosing to be nice. We are humans and we control our actions, therefore Robert Greene is not wrong.