To be honest, that whole Wizard of Oz mantra never really made sense to me.
As a kid, I moved around A LOT. It wasn't until I was 15 and a sophomore in high school that I was ever in the same school for more than a year. Because of this--well, because of many things but this is just easier to point a finger at--I have never been able to go back to a place where I lived and say, "This was my home--I belonged here." As a result, I posit that feeling as though we belong somewhere has a tremendous impact on who we are and who we may one day become.
The need to belong is embedded in most people's genetic make-up. Abraham Maslow, a renowned psychologist who conceptualized what is known as an individual's "Hierarchy of Needs,” reasoned that the need to belong is third on the pyramid to a fulfilling life (the first two are pretty basic--physiological and safety needs), and without that feeling, we simply cannot advance, grow or ever fully become the people we are destined to be. Interested in knowing more about my boy Abe? Go here.Maslow's Hierarchy Of Needs
So--what do you think? Do you, at the young and impressionable age of 16 or 17, feel the inherent need to belong? I bold that because feeling the need and feeling that you actually DO belong are sometimes two very different things. The most popular people you can imagine, the ones who are in every club, do every sport, go to every party--do you think THEY feel as though they belong?
If you feel like you do belong somewhere--where is it? What makes you feel that way? What does that sense of belonging do for you and your self-esteem?
If you don't feel as though you belong somewhere--why not? What do you feel is missing? Are you misunderstood, undervalued, overlooked? What does NOT feeling like you belong do for you and your self-esteem?
A lot to ponder over--trust me, I know. Give it some thought and tell me about it.
Monday, October 31, 2016
Sunday, October 23, 2016
A Look Behind...
Someone somewhere said hindsight is 20/20.
That often seems to be one of those annoying aphorisms that people throw at you when they know you made a bad decision and now you have to fend off the consequences. If you never heard it before, it pretty much just means that you can see more clearly once you've looked at what you've done, rather than at what you will do. So--why do you think that is?
Let's take it a step further.
What is the worst decision you ever made? You have hindsight now, so you should be able to see it from every angle--the risks, sacrifices, rewards and consequences.
In your heart of hearts, with no false sense of modesty or conceit, was the outcome of the decision worth what you paid for it? In other words, was the benefit worth the cost? Why or why not?
What would you change?
If you're one of those folks who like to say they regret nothing because everything they've done made them who they are now--please don't.
You're too young to say that yet, and I mean that in the purest way possible, with no disdain or contempt for your age. Biologically, your brain is simply not able to rationalize the decisions you make when you're "feelin' yourself" because your pre-frontal cortex (that part of your brain that controls impulse and decision-making) isn't fully formed. So, technically--you aren't who you will be just yet.
Don't believe me--look it up. Here's a link if you're interested: Teenagers Brain Development
Now, let's look ahead to the future. Imagine your future child makes the same bad decision you did. Knowing all the things you don't like about how your parents try to tell you about yourself--how are you going to teach, reprimand, respond to your kid's choice?
That often seems to be one of those annoying aphorisms that people throw at you when they know you made a bad decision and now you have to fend off the consequences. If you never heard it before, it pretty much just means that you can see more clearly once you've looked at what you've done, rather than at what you will do. So--why do you think that is?
Let's take it a step further.
What is the worst decision you ever made? You have hindsight now, so you should be able to see it from every angle--the risks, sacrifices, rewards and consequences.
In your heart of hearts, with no false sense of modesty or conceit, was the outcome of the decision worth what you paid for it? In other words, was the benefit worth the cost? Why or why not?
What would you change?
If you're one of those folks who like to say they regret nothing because everything they've done made them who they are now--please don't.
You're too young to say that yet, and I mean that in the purest way possible, with no disdain or contempt for your age. Biologically, your brain is simply not able to rationalize the decisions you make when you're "feelin' yourself" because your pre-frontal cortex (that part of your brain that controls impulse and decision-making) isn't fully formed. So, technically--you aren't who you will be just yet.
Don't believe me--look it up. Here's a link if you're interested: Teenagers Brain Development
Now, let's look ahead to the future. Imagine your future child makes the same bad decision you did. Knowing all the things you don't like about how your parents try to tell you about yourself--how are you going to teach, reprimand, respond to your kid's choice?
Sunday, October 9, 2016
Identity Crisis
Warning: You cannot respond to this blog in less than 15 minutes. Manage your time wisely, sunshinefaces.
So, I think we have reached that point where we can really start to do some introspective reflection.
Usually it takes a bit longer, but this year has brought with it a curious sense of urgency, and although I would usually like you to wade through a bit more of your own thoughts before we got to this point, I feel confident that you guys are ready to take the plunge into some in-depth blog questions. So, here we go!
Although I cannot make you do this, I would like you to minimize all distractions while you think about this blog. Exercise your right to have "You" time; put away your cell phones or video game remotes and for the sake of all that's holy--close any and all social media apps. Just you, your computer, and your thoughts.
No man is an island, right? Have you ever heard that? John Donne, prolific 16th Century writer, said it. It essentially means that people do not exist in a vacuum, cut off from the world and the people in it; that people need other people if, for nothing else, to figure themselves out. Personally, I'm on the fence about whether or not this is true, but I suspect it probably is. Here's an example.
Every day, you wake up, go through your morning rituals, come to school, do your thing(s), go home, go through your evening rituals and then go to bed.
There are obviously some variations to this routine from time to time, and I am not trying to downplay your life in any way by making it sound mundane. What I am saying is, that through all of this, these daily activities, rituals and routines other people interact with you.
They talk to you, refer to you, question you, yell at you, soothe you, talk about you, defer to you or, in some cases, though hopefully not many, ignore you completely. The point is, they KNOW who you are, at least enough to do one or more of the previous things.
But, when you stop to think about it, do they really know? And, more importantly, do YOU?
Now, here comes the hard part...
Beyond names, job titles or academic accomplishments, beyond labels given to you by yourself or by others, beyond traits and hobbies and virtues... who are you? Who are you inside? If you had to write your name, and then your definition, what would it say?
So, I think we have reached that point where we can really start to do some introspective reflection.
Usually it takes a bit longer, but this year has brought with it a curious sense of urgency, and although I would usually like you to wade through a bit more of your own thoughts before we got to this point, I feel confident that you guys are ready to take the plunge into some in-depth blog questions. So, here we go!
Although I cannot make you do this, I would like you to minimize all distractions while you think about this blog. Exercise your right to have "You" time; put away your cell phones or video game remotes and for the sake of all that's holy--close any and all social media apps. Just you, your computer, and your thoughts.
No man is an island, right? Have you ever heard that? John Donne, prolific 16th Century writer, said it. It essentially means that people do not exist in a vacuum, cut off from the world and the people in it; that people need other people if, for nothing else, to figure themselves out. Personally, I'm on the fence about whether or not this is true, but I suspect it probably is. Here's an example.
Every day, you wake up, go through your morning rituals, come to school, do your thing(s), go home, go through your evening rituals and then go to bed.
There are obviously some variations to this routine from time to time, and I am not trying to downplay your life in any way by making it sound mundane. What I am saying is, that through all of this, these daily activities, rituals and routines other people interact with you.
They talk to you, refer to you, question you, yell at you, soothe you, talk about you, defer to you or, in some cases, though hopefully not many, ignore you completely. The point is, they KNOW who you are, at least enough to do one or more of the previous things.
But, when you stop to think about it, do they really know? And, more importantly, do YOU?
Now, here comes the hard part...
Beyond names, job titles or academic accomplishments, beyond labels given to you by yourself or by others, beyond traits and hobbies and virtues... who are you? Who are you inside? If you had to write your name, and then your definition, what would it say?
Sunday, October 2, 2016
Why we love....and other unanswerable questions...
Most of us have been there at one point; the ones who haven't will get theirs, eventually.
There you are, innocently sitting there eating your Cheerios, or some other tasty snack, when it hits you. That flash of lightning that zips through your brain, jump starts your heart to the point of acrobatics, and sends the corners of your mouth into that half-circle of upward idiocy because that stupid grin won't stop spreading.
An image of your beloved burns itself into your brain like a cheap plasma TV screen. Yup--it's love, and its got you in its grips. Muu ahhhhhahhhh.
If none of this sounds familiar to you--don't worry--you simply have no soul. ;) Just kidding--like I said, you'll get yours and it'll be just as described only maybe with different metaphors. Not ever being privvy to this feeling does not preclude you from this blog question, though; no doubt, you've seen what looks like and that's as much as you need for this assignment.
First, define love. Nbd. Thousands upon thousands of poets, essayists, philosophers and the like have all tried to come up with a working definition--whose to say their version is better than yours? Do your best.
Have you ever been in love, or known someone who has? Did their behavior change? Did yours? Why do you think we are attracted to those we are? What do you look for in potential relationships? What is your idea of a "perfect" relationship? Who taught you about love? What is your earliest memory of "seeing" love? Does that memory affect how you view the idea of love?
And, finally, what will you teach your future sons and daughters about the idea of love and relationships?
There you are, innocently sitting there eating your Cheerios, or some other tasty snack, when it hits you. That flash of lightning that zips through your brain, jump starts your heart to the point of acrobatics, and sends the corners of your mouth into that half-circle of upward idiocy because that stupid grin won't stop spreading.
An image of your beloved burns itself into your brain like a cheap plasma TV screen. Yup--it's love, and its got you in its grips. Muu ahhhhhahhhh.
If none of this sounds familiar to you--don't worry--you simply have no soul. ;) Just kidding--like I said, you'll get yours and it'll be just as described only maybe with different metaphors. Not ever being privvy to this feeling does not preclude you from this blog question, though; no doubt, you've seen what looks like and that's as much as you need for this assignment.
First, define love. Nbd. Thousands upon thousands of poets, essayists, philosophers and the like have all tried to come up with a working definition--whose to say their version is better than yours? Do your best.
Have you ever been in love, or known someone who has? Did their behavior change? Did yours? Why do you think we are attracted to those we are? What do you look for in potential relationships? What is your idea of a "perfect" relationship? Who taught you about love? What is your earliest memory of "seeing" love? Does that memory affect how you view the idea of love?
And, finally, what will you teach your future sons and daughters about the idea of love and relationships?
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